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#1
I just saw this headline on Yahoo not too long ago. I didn't click on it cuz I imagine it would just be some bull**** list about making proper eye contact and not slouching or something. But when I read the headline, the first things I thought were: "Number 1, show up with a severed head. Number 2, eat the severed head you brought."

So I guess this topic has two points:

One, what the **** has the pit turned me into?

And two, what are some other ways that would guarantee you ruin your job interview
#2
I leik severed heads

what's wrong with severed heads?
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#5
Well, when i was looking for an apprenticeship. I did the Energy Australia Test, got through to the 3rd interview and managed to answer this question " Before you go, why should we pick you?"

With, "I don't drink or do drugs....much"

Fail ensued.
#6
Quote by browncow
Well, when i was looking for an apprenticeship. I did the Energy Australia Test, got through to the 3rd interview and managed to answer this question " Before you go, why should we pick you?"

With, "I don't drink or do drugs....much"

Fail ensued.


Waste of time going to those 2 other interviews
#7
"Why do you want this job?"

"Your secretary's hot. That's about it."

Double points if it's a family firm and the secretary is the bosses daughter.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#8

If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset.
Quote by Ez0ph
That was a different Feb08er that threatened to suck you off
I remember that


Sadly, I was the threatened.
Quote by Firenze


Let it be known that I concur with everything this gentleman says, ever.



www.myspace.com/tarsusmusic
#9
If the person is a woman, interrupt her while she's talking and ask firmly for her to suck your c0ck, explaining that you need a sexual release and that you'd normally stick it in her a$$ but you're in public.

EDIT: Once I was interview buy a hot office chick (you know the type), and I swear I almost got hard staring at her butt as we walked down the hall into her office. She was a f*cking fox though.
Last edited by AVA_Plus44_182 at Mar 2, 2009,
#10
Quote by SacredxSuperman
Waste of time going to those 2 other interviews



Well yeah pretty much.
#12
answering all the questions with a ventriloquist puppet.
Holden Caulfield is a friend of mine.
We go drinking from time to time.
#13
Quote by Shredxmyheart
answering all the questions with a ventriloquist puppet.


Well, it would work if you were going for a job as a ventriloquist.
#14
Quote by browncow
Well, it would work if you were going for a job as a ventriloquist.


dammit. well, for the sake of argument you want to be the opposite of a ventriloquist.
Holden Caulfield is a friend of mine.
We go drinking from time to time.
#15
Take laxatives before the interview.
Quote by srvguitarrulez
I heard someone say that Fall Out Boy had amazing guitarwork. But, it was a 13 year old girl, so it didn't matter.
#17
When my interviewer asked where I saw myself in the next 5 years, I answered,

"In a ditch with a bottle of Jack in one hand and my last 2 bucks in the other. Then I see myself getting up, yelling some incoherent stuff at passing cars, walking down the road in a mysterious yet drunken way, and spending my last 2 dollars on a phone call to my parents."

The interviewer got teary eyed and I almost got the job, but I lost out to some asshole that brought her a severed head.
Hey look, a stoner/doom album.

GENERATION 27: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

E-father of TheSPillow/Sam
E-brothers with Entity0009
#18
taking a dump on the boss' desk
Without spiritual mentoring, too much freedom can lead to the soul's decay
- Prince
#20
Quote by skaterskagg1
not showing up.



This, And....


Coming filthy, Horrendous body odor.

Being an hour late.

Being 30 minutes late.

Possibly by being 15 minutes late. Or late in general.


Calling back after agreeing to a date and trying to reschedule the interview.

Dieing on the way to the interview. I.E : Car Wreck, Getting shot; you name it.
Quote by offspring_punk
9/10 Bobo Jenkins just sounds godly in general. I think I'll name my firstborn child that. Male or female.
#22
^That's pretty good.
Quote by offspring_punk
9/10 Bobo Jenkins just sounds godly in general. I think I'll name my firstborn child that. Male or female.
#24
Quote by Shredxmyheart
dammit. well, for the sake of argument you want to be the opposite of a ventriloquist.



So, a mime?

Who would ever want to be a mime?


Well apart from these kool kids.
#26
*stolen from Bill Bailey

"Is there anything you would like to ask us?"

"Do you renounce Satan and all his works?"
#27
Quote by cjblack532
When my interviewer asked where I saw myself in the next 5 years, I answered,

"In a ditch with a bottle of Jack in one hand and my last 2 bucks in the other. Then I see myself getting up, yelling some incoherent stuff at passing cars, walking down the road in a mysterious yet drunken way, and spending my last 2 dollars on a phone call to my parents."

The interviewer got teary eyed and I almost got the job, but I lost out to some asshole that brought her a severed head.

<---I did that
#28
Show up wearing corpse paint and a shirt with an inverted cross or pentagram.
(Assuming its not a cool enough job to let you do that.)
#29
Put your genitals on the table



Quote by DeadlyIllness

[that guy again] gets the drum Solo and Title King of the UG.

*Drum Solo*


Steam: yintonyinton
PSN: yintonyinton
Last edited by that guy again at Mar 2, 2009,
#33
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

*Dont say doing your wife, Dont say doing your wife, Dont say doing your wife,*

"Doing your....son?"
Originally Posted by smb
I'm an arrogant bastard - I thought I was good before I'd plucked a note. I was right, of course.

Quote by MetalBass 77
sonsie knows all
#34
telling them you hate [insert ethic group/religion/gender here]
Quote by guitarxo
I had a dream about your avatar once, so yes of course.

Quote by Bladez22


every time i see that twirling electrode avatar of yours I know that the post is worth reading or the link is worth clicking


#35
Quote by fearofthemark
telling them you hate [insert ethic group/religion/gender here]


"I want this job to further the supremacy of the white man and do my part in exposing the excessive Jewish influence on the worlds economy."
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#36
Quote by neopowell
"I want this job to further the supremacy of the white man and do my part in exposing the excessive Jewish influence on the worlds economy."


You, Sir, owned this thread thus far!
Quote by RoamingConflict
This one dream involved me, one random girl, midgets and a pie.


...and midgets ended up f*cking her. I got the pie.


#37
Quote by TooFast

If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset.

Quote by denfilade
For a moment I thought velcro shoes were ones with the whole bottom made of velcro

She could walk up your pubes with those

Quote by kannon
this post has aids
Quote by NinjaSlayHuman
and 07'ers will always be well-respected members of UG society.
#38
Quote by Shredxmyheart
answering all the questions with a ventriloquist puppet.


Win.

Or even better, have the puppet be Peanut
Quote by dark&broken
I'd like to see any of those meathead homophobes look a Spartan in the eye and call him a fag.

#39
Walk in and before he/she talks to you, ask: "So what can I get you? Coke? X? Weed? You name it - I have it!"
Quote by RoamingConflict
This one dream involved me, one random girl, midgets and a pie.


...and midgets ended up f*cking her. I got the pie.


#40
You should sit there, and answer all the questions, but continuously stare down at your pants and pull your zipper up and down. zip. zip. zip. zip. zip. And occasionally giggle.
Tonight, we stagger out from the basement...


I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.

...Or fall to our deaths from above
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