#1
Very personal song about a girl who means a lot to me... I have to travel on a bus for an hour and a half (one way) when I want to go visit her. Also i feel shes been "distant" lately. We are "seeing eachother" [wtf is that supposed to mean.. lmfao] and I want to "seal the deal" so to speak...

Looking for any recommendations - lyric suggestions etc... Just let me know what you think.

So here it is...

Short Preview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5cO...re=channel_page

Full Version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPAFafI7AHU&feature

Distant
Made plans on a Monday
Said girl I wanna see you Wednesday
But she partied too hard the night before

Scandalous and flirty, can I trust you?
I don’t know if your love will hold true
My jealous gets the best of me sometimes

‘Cause I’m - Free fallin’ too fast for my likin’
I can’t help it your beauty is strikin’
Didn’t think that it would hurt this much
I long for your kiss, I long for your touch
Cause I will go the distance baby
Just make up your mind – your drivin’ me crazy
I will go the distance, for you…

Be straight ‘cause you’re making me confused
Enlighten me before I blow a fuse
Just let me know what you really want

Pull me in, or push me away
Listen to what your heart has to say
Stop tearing me apart with this game

‘Cause I’m - Free fallin’ too fast for my likin’
I can’t help it your beauty is strikin’
Didn’t think that it would hurt this much
I long for your kiss, I long for your touch
Cause I will go the distance baby
Just make up your mind – your drivin’ me crazy
I will go the distance, for you…
Quote by Survivalism
Someone, somewhere, was raped today. Someone else was murdered.

Are we sill playing this "worst day ever" game?
Last edited by Dox at Mar 2, 2009,
#4
C4C Anyone?!
Quote by Survivalism
Someone, somewhere, was raped today. Someone else was murdered.

Are we sill playing this "worst day ever" game?
#5
actually it'S not very.. inventive .. the chord progression is just a bit lame , i mean if this is really very personal to you , why don't you put some more effort into it an get some nice chord progression and also maybe work on the rhytm a bit , the lyrics are all right , well known thing in my opinion .. but it's well sung...
you could definitly improove this song

c4c in my profile please , i know this crit might not be to helpful but actually theres not mich to say 'bout it ..
thanks in advance
Greymane
#6
Agree with the guy above about the chords, just changing a note or two on each of them to make them more interesting could really make the song jump out more, as could possibly a bit of distortion. You have a very good voice though, lots of power though - bit Anthony Keidis in parts. There's a good song in there though, I wouldn't call it a finished piece as it is but with a bit of work its definately going somewhere.

Mind having a look at mine?
cheers bud!

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1079971
"Gravity... always... wins..."