#1
For my Rewriting Love in the Renaissance module, we've been asked to "re-write" and "imitate" one of Garcilaso de la Vega's sonnets. I've chosen Sonnet X, which, translated would read like this:

Sonnet X

Oh, sweet tokens, sadly found by me,
sweet and happy when God willed it so!
Together with my memory you go,
making my death your conspiracy.

Who ever could have told me, having seen
the joy you brought to me not long ago,
that, in time, I would come to know
you as the source of my great suffering?

As in one hour you have laid to waste
all the good you gave me by degrees,
so take away the ill you left, with haste;

if not, I will suspect that it would please
you to let me know your bounty's taste
then watch me die among sad memories.

My re-written version
Oh, what wonderful sight of Venus and I,
face to face with great art and history.
In my memories much joy is brought to me.
My sight's not right, are you out to perfidy?

Never so imagined by my mind and soul,
tincts so vivid from painters gone by,
with copious age and time spent to glorify,
would with such great harvest torture enroll.

Might I, the gazer, now not hope to see,
elation abruptly grasped with more haste,
than when brought. Eyeless, I myself am hell!

Damnation, I would suspect you want for me.
Security of my love you wish so to debase,
that in my reminiscent death you revel.

--
Any criticism or help is appreciated.
Now, Sonnet X is written about the reminders/tokens/gifts of a lover bringing great joy to the protagonist, but then those very things bring sadness and pain also, and the protagonist feels that they were only given/found so that he would suffer.
It's very much so influenced by Elissa Dido and her death among her lover's things after he abandoned her.
Friends, applaud the comedy is over.


I'd dance with you but...


#4
Quote by crazy8rgood
wrong forum

Go to lyrics and songwriting, or whatever it's called


Yes, but this is neither lyrical nor a song.
Friends, applaud the comedy is over.


I'd dance with you but...


Last edited by Child In Time at Mar 2, 2009,
#5
Quote by Child In Time
Yes, but this is neither lyrical or a song.


agreement.

we are in it.
Quote by mh.666
This man is right.


My life in all aspects is going fucking brilliantly, so I just thought I'd offer a cyncial scrap of wisdom, gloat a little, and then leave.
#6
I'm really starting to think UG should just create a "Help Me Do My Homework" area of the forum...
"Be as radical as reality."
- V.I. Lenin