#1
part i

"throw your arms out and say welcome. bend over so far back that it hurts to think negatively. give up everything you're use to for something that everyone around you says is better. squeezing off the veins from my chest, i'm pressing the weight of my mind over and over. set for set, rep for rep, round after round. two thousand and eight reasons it didn't work, and a ninth is emerging. plush is the purpose of starving, and starving loses its appeal after you've taken a bite. "
Last edited by freshtunes at Mar 2, 2009,
#3
cool. my one vice in this is the line "two thousand and eight reasons it didn't work, and a ninth is emerging." probably just me, but this could create come confusion if left as is; if there are 2008 reasons that it didn't work, then the 9th one is already there xD. maybe say, "and another is emerging," or, "and the next is emerging," or "and the two-thousand-ninth is emerging."

/grammar policing