#1
"Haunting eyes, share familar memories of monsters and mice mocking our chivalry. Nocturnal youth rush in, subconciously praying for the light to give way, bringing the night, ending the day.

Warmth rises like the sun chasing cold winters away. Shining light on something new felt by the remaining few.
Yes we are young!
But does that stop the Sun?
This feeling knows no age
for the chemicals are all the same.

Flames still consume the young with desire. So pack your things and lets play in the fire. Let the flames lick at our feet from desires of sailing fleets. Because out hearts still beat.

Does our heart not beat? "
#2
This is hard to approach, because the mish-mash of rhymed prose with a seemingly random stanza thrown in the middle is a little off-putting. I'd suggest that you re-shape the prose stuff as lines of poetry if you want other people to give you feedback.

That said, there's meat here. Is there music to it? I get a much more "song" feeling from this, than a "poem" feeling, which is refreshing in a forum ostensibly about songwriting...

peace