#1
No Name Faces
I pass by all these no name faces
In all these no name places
blindly chasing dreams without fear
running toward goals that seem so near
some trying to fit in,
others just don't care
We devide the losers from the cool
when really were all just the same
just tryin' to make a name.

Some making streight A's and destined to reach the peaks
others give up all hope start living the lives of thugs
dealing dimes and dubs
end up in minimum wage jobs
or living in the streets and forced to rob
thinkin' they 'er making big cash real fast
until they make one mistake
one slip is all it takes
facing ten years in jail for those mistakes
and small bills is all they really make
and if they chose to not take that path
they still end up workin' mimimum wage
wishin' they could rip out that chapter of life and write a new ending on a blank page

Passing by all these no name faces of the past
Old familiar faces looking funny
because those faces are making the real money.
These faces were the one that were looked down on and called losers because the actually studied in highschool
now they have all the cars, clothes and money
the kind of money you could only dream of having
the faces you once called a loser
there names are renown around town now

Once a high school football star
now living off past glories
of old football stories
Used to be the **** it high school
all the girls tought was so cool
they just laugh at him now and wonder how
cause he ain't got **** now

i've seen the look of the ones who messed up
seen the faces of the ones that ****ed up
got caught up in the race and chose to **** up
either workin' at Shell or got locked up
they tell me their regrets
their thirty thoudand dollars in debt and only twenty years old
sayin they would give anything to go back ]
so young and ignorant
wondering where all the years went
and they hope to God
thier kids won't follow in their footsteps

After high school they don't care what you wear
no longer stop and stare
at how cool you were and what you do
It's about what life and what you do with it
don't go down without a fight
cause there is always hope
a chance to rise up from the past
let go and fix your lifes mistakes
#2
[quote="colt_45
"]No Name Faces
I pass by all these no name faces
In all these no name places
blindly chasing dreams without fear
running toward goals that seem so near
some trying to fit in,
others just don't care
We devide the losers from the cool
when really were all just the same
just tryin' to make a name
I like the opening stanza alot. It really introduces the idea of the poem nicely. I would just knock the ING off of "trying" six lines down


Some making streight A's and destined to reach the peaks
others give up all hope start living the lives of thugs
dealing dimes and dubs
end up in minimum wage jobs
or living in the streets and forced to rob
thinkin' they 'er making big cash real fast
until they make one mistake
one slip is all it takes
facing ten years in jail for those mistakes
and small bills is all they really make
and if they chose to not take that path
they still end up workin' mimimum wage
wishin' they could rip out that chapter of life and write a new ending on a blank page
I love the last line of this stanza. I would revise this stanza as it is probably one of the weaker stanzas; I'd use 'and' less, try to make the rhyming less stressed (wage jobs,..forced to rob).


Passing by all these no name faces of the past
Old familiar faces looking funny
because those faces are making the real money.
These faces were the one that were looked down on and called losers because the actually studied in highschool
now they have all the cars, clothes and money
the kind of money you could only dream of having
the faces you once called a loser
there names are renown around town now
I like the message and idea in this one most, but it seems the least developed. You seem to talk to much about wealth and not about how they are more happy, etc. The last line's rhyme of 'renown' and town' sounds very forced.


Once a high school football star
now living off past glories
of old football stories
Used to be the **** it high school
all the girls tought was so cool
they just laugh at him now and wonder how
cause he ain't got **** now
I wouldn't change anything here.


i've seen the look of the ones who messed up
seen the faces of the ones that ****ed up
got caught up in the race and chose to **** up
either workin' at Shell or got locked up
they tell me their regrets
their thirty thoudand dollars in debt and only twenty years old
sayin they would give anything to go back ]
so young and ignorant
wondering where all the years went
and they hope to God
thier kids won't follow in their footsteps
To many 'up's in the first lines. Otherwise, I like this one too.


After high school they don't care what you wear
no longer stop and stare
at how cool you were and what you do
It's about what life and what you do with it
don't go down without a fight
cause there is always hope
a chance to rise up from the past
let go and fix your lifes mistakes
this is a really nice way to wrap up the poem. i like how the rhyming is less emphasized here.


Other than your grammar errors, It was a good write. i would try getting a thesaurus and revising your word choice to make it sound more sophisticated, but that's a personal opinion thing. Otherwise, good job
#4
I like the theme overall, but I do disagree if you meant that some of the jocks never make it. I probably am putting words in your mouth and I apologize, but I would just like to say that there are plenty of "cool kids" in high school that "made it". Whatever made it means. The title is amazing though. It's always interesting how walking down halls or wherever you see so many faces and only have tiny glimpses of the people. keep writing amigo.
Shag
#5
Hey Shag this is not really about the cool kids not making it. It's kinda of a role reversal thing. where the cool kid is now what one might call a loser and the loser is now the person everyone is looking up to. I kind of let this one get away from me and off track now that I look at it more...lol This was also supposed to be an inspirations thing for my little brother who is a senior in high school. i was trying to get him to see the bigger picture than the blinder that most of us wore in high school. I was trying to get him to see that popularity and childish things like that don't matter when you get out in the '"real world". Because in high school we get caught up in being cool and treat other students like dirt and then in the real world they are happy and successful while we are feeling ashamed of the way we treated people and acted. All that popularity paid off for what a picture in the yearbook as class clown. I know plenty of cool people that have made it. I was one of them i was the typical high school jock playing football and wrestling heck i even won state my junior year, but now that I have graduated and finished college and have a great job. i just see the other side of it now and have been humbled. A kid that we called a loser in high school is now my boss....lol
Last edited by colt_45 at Mar 5, 2009,
#6
Oh Shag forgot to say thanks for the comment. Constructive criticism really helps.
#7
Dude props for looking out for the little brother. I know how that is. It's weird trying to talk to your younger brother without trying to come off as "older and wise", if you know what I mean.
Shag