#1
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There's a place in our hearts,
That everyone has,
That place deep inside us,
That keeps us from splitting in Half's,

Look inside your Heart,
You'll find it there,
And once you Find it,
Treat it with Care,

There's a boy named Johnny,
Hangin' With his Buds,
Talking about life,
And his future to come,

So Johnny says,
"What are we doing here?",
"I have to go get packed",
"So I can see the world"

He went to England,
Germany,Ireland Too,
He even went to Mt. Everest,
O what a view,

But theres one place he missed,
Deep in his Heart,
He couldn't stand it,
It was tearing him apart,

So he went home,
To his mom and his pops,
And he had dinner there,
For the 1st time in 3 Months,

He went to sleep,
Dreaming in his own bed,
And he knew at that time,
What he found in his Heart,

There's a place in our hearts,
That everyone has,
That place deep inside us,
That keeps us from splitting in Half's,,,,
Look inside your Heart,
You'll find it there,
And once you Find it,
Treat it with Care,,,

And love.

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opinions, Critizize
Last edited by dman3011 at Mar 4, 2009,
#3
There's a place in our hearts,
That everyone has,
That place deep inside us,
That *stops us splitting in Half,*

In my head, this went better rhythm wise and i think it makes a bit more sense gramatically)

Look inside your Heart,
You'll find it there,
And once you Find it,
Treat it with Care,

There's a boy named Johnny,
Hangin' With his *Chums* (might sound cornier but it fits better with your L2&4 rhyme scheme you have goin on)
Talking about life,
And his future to come,

And then Johnny says,
"What are we doing here?",
"I have to get packed",
"I have to see the world"

He went to England,
Germany, Ireland Too,
He even went to Everest, (Leave out Mt. and it works better i think)
O what a view,

But there was one place he missed,
Deep in his Heart,
He couldn't stand it,
It was tearing him apart,

So he went home,
To his mom and his pops,
And he had dinner there,
For the 1st time in months, (again, rhythm i think is better fitting now)

He went to sleep,
Dreaming in his own bed,
And he knew at that time,
He'd found that place in his Heart, (Or somthing like this)

There's a place in our hearts,
That everyone has,
That place deep inside us,
Stops us splitting in Half,
Look inside your Heart,
You'll find it there,
And once you Find it,
Treat it with Care,,,

And love.

No major errors lyrics wise i just added or edited a few parts where i thought the rhythm was out in my head. Overall good attempt
Crit my songs?