#1
black duffel bag on the subway tracks.

you're steppin on my toes.

but Jack would say:

yr yr yr yr yr
rosying frodo's
gget to know ya blowyr
sweet pheelings.

and Charles would say:

knock over the
bottles after sl
eeping with he
r and watch th
e gray ash pou
r out along wi
th your heart,
running down
into the vents.but i jot my beat down
somethin like this:

you're stepping on my toes,
leave me alone.
the beer is cold,
leave me alone.
i won't be sleeping alone,
but i turn away from her.

sooner or later they find me
like a black duffel bag on the
subway tracks; and i can't be
left alone, anymore.

the house's
garbage bags can't contain
all my de-bottling activity
and when they ain't no ashtrays
around
i take my heart into the city
and litter my habits onto the
boulevard
they're not bad habits
i just ain't got no backyard.
cops asked me where i live
i say no home no home no home
but i live in a house
with a bunch of ghosts
i'd have to call my own.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
Last edited by ottoavist at Mar 6, 2009,
#2
i say no home no home no home
but i live in a house
with a bunch of ghosts
i'd have to call my own.

This is fantastic. I'm a sucker for a good rhyme, especially when it all ties in so perfectly. I'll be reading this piece over a few more times, at least.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#3
from "you're stepping on your toes" down, i was hooked. the way you talk about your "habits", making something so big sound so small, and the last part...

"but i live in a house
with a bunch of ghosts
i'd have to call my own."

so true. all of the unhappy live with their ghosts. the happy don't believe in ghosts though. thats why we have to write about them, because they dont exist in everyone elses reality, only ours.

the first part in code, i didn't like, didn't get it. the last stanza in code was enjoyable. the rest was touching. pure simple. your writing reminds me of something old, but strong that will last a long time. like a barn.
Last edited by freshtunes at Mar 5, 2009,
#4
This was a sucker punch, I had no idea what to think at the start, but you wrapped me up and shipped me off. You really should publish something so i have a half decent book of poetry to read.
#6
<3
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#7
Good good good.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#8
This was excellent. Are the last two bits (you got something to say? Profanity) part of the poem? If so, they're distracting and awful. Lose 'em.

peace
#9
wow i can't believe the good responses this has received so far. i kinda figured an angry mob would've crucified me after posting the part i did in code, but i wanted to take a risk.

everybody says what they got to say, different.
just do it, like Nike.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.