This is the 2nd song I have ever wrote and I'm looking for opinions and/or contributions or ideas to this song. Its meant to be a slow song which just bigger towards the end. Rock/Hard Rock. Just wanna know what people think to hopefully encourage me to carry on or if not, stop lol

The Sun slips away, Night and Day I pray.
Pray your alright, wrapped up safe and tight.
All the times gone, drained through these Black Nights.
If anything, you still make me feel so alive.

I can't remember last time I felt so alive.
Can't remember the last time I cried a river of hope.
Don't go away forever.
Come back and stay this Day.

Knowing your be safe, at least these dead bugs won't bite.
Last thing you need in this cold black night, a serpentine creaking through the night.
Do you wanna know what keeps me sane at this time of night?
Knowing I'm just another, creaking through the night.

Shes used to embracing death. (Victimized these deadly arts)
Shes so lost in life. (So lost in these deadly games) x2
She senses the hate and shame. (Make it go away)
Her time will come someday.
It's good so far. I'm guessing one or both of the last two sections is the chorus?
Yeah, the last section is.
I was thinking it may have sounded about cliche overall, but then again I suppose alot of lyrics do before you add music