#1
I wrote this song awhile ago and posted it on here before but now i edited it. Tell me what you think

Once you wake up
And get out of bed
Feel the pain a rushin'
All through your head
Cant stop the pain
Wont stop it at all
It's jst like a train
Came through your wall

After dark
The clock strikes 12
A long days night
You're feeling ovrwhelmed
After dark
The light shines through
Cant recall a thing
Of what you did do
After dark
You wake up somewhere
Unknown to you
How'd you get there?

It's becoming clear
Of what brought this pain
Bits and pieces of memory
Are all that remain
Think very deep
Think very hard
Was it stuff that you drank?
Or just one of those days?

After dark
The clock strikes 12
A long days night
You're feeling overwhelmed
After dark
The light shines through
Can't recall a thing
Of what you did do
After dark
You wake up somewhere
Unknow to you
How'd you get there?
How'd you get there?
How'd you get there?

Now you remember
Do you believe it is true?
Just ask your cellmate
He was there too!!

It's one of the first songs I wrote that I actually think could be a decent song. Comments?
When I buy my wife, at first she cook good, her vagine worked well, she strong on plow, but three years later when she was fifteen, she receive hair on her chest, her voice become deep, "BORAT, BORAT", and her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard
#2
Wow...good song. Idk sounds like a blink 182 song..
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#3
Well, it's not bad. But, the lyrics are somewhat cliche. The chorus isn't too bad, but the verses have too much about pain. You do seem to have a good rhyme scheme going on, but really work with the pain bits.
As for a title, how about "About Last Night...". Cliche, but works with the already clicheness.