#1
hey people

ive been working on this sucker and just getting abit stuck. its soundsing pretty isis atm i reckon. if any of you have any comments or ideas as to where i could go next with it that would be sweet as. theres song chords at the end that i havent finished tabbing out the rythym for yet. ideas would be appriciated.

C4C, please leave a link

Thank you

Ben
Attachments:
post neurosis.zip
Last edited by BKGMorley at Mar 8, 2009,
#2
hey, just had a listen and it sounds pretty nice. as for where you can go with it, i think you should define which parts are for which section of the song (chorus verse middle eight etc.) and then after that arranging it.
adding in some harmonies would probably sound pretty good on the clean bit and give the playing a bit more depth as well.

just had another listen and it would be pretty cool to go back into your distortion riff after the clean bit. with maybe a bit of a drum fill or a one drop to lead in to it
thats all i can think of atm hope it helps!

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1083240
#3
Really good, it really love the bass part. With more bass parts like that and I think drum fills would work, it would be perfect. As ndhdl said, it would be cool to go back into the distortion riff aster the clean part. Then after the distortion riff have a solo, maybe?

The only thing I don't like is the drum part at the end but that can be changed easily.
Overall, so far it's very good, can't wait to hear the finished thing.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=18952621
Last edited by CrimsonBizzare at Mar 8, 2009,
#4
So two out of the three sections aren't bad, the first riff and the acoustic section.

I just don't think on its own the second riff works for me, it needs bass [perhaps just in unison] and general filling out sound wise, as right now its really quite flat. I liked the idea of developing it into a different time signature however I don't think the 4/4 to 7/8 didn't it any justice either.

Things I would do next on this, are:
- Work on that one section more.. and the development part
- add depth with bass and some lead guit. [perhaps some keys would help too]
- Work on those chord you have sitting at the end, its a really nice progression and would work well for a nice epic section, or a solo/chorusy/verse-y thing.

Oh and you may want to think about reordering to at some stage. I personally would put the acoustic section right after the first one, and make it longer and more in depth, and then save that other riff for like, a climax after you've made a nice longer build up or something like that.

I hope i've helped out some.

It may not be anything like the style of this, but
I would apriciate another opinion on my newest piece. check it.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1083406
#6
Hey, Thanks for the honest crit of my song - I'll keep working on it.

Ok the first thing I noticed is the crash cymbal, I think you've over used it a bit, (Bars 2-13). I messed around with it a little and I changed all the crash cymbals (Except the first in each bar) into ride cymbals (51), I thought it sounded a little better as the crash was sort of drowning out the guitar, I think it should be used with a little more subtlety, You could lower the treble on the EQ, if the cymbals were on a separate track.

Good work on the bass, I appreciate you haven't finished it, but i wanna see the rest of the bass done, I think the 15-27 part would sound better with bass, Also try the finger electric bass w/ distortion, sounds good man .

Sorry, that's all I got for now, once again thanks for critting mine. Let me know when you update it.
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#7
I never critted this, but I was supposed to. If this is what Neurosis and Isis sound like I need to check em out, I really enjoyed what you did have. The only part I didn't like was 21-27, it just didn't really flow right. Everything else was great though, I loved the intro and the part with the acoustic guitar.
#8
G'day, fellow Kiwi!

What I would suggest for this song really depends on whether this is intended to be recorded or not...

I think you could do with more backing for this, imo - of course, that would change the style somewhat... whether it be strings or keys...

Well, I would expect at this point in a song like this would be a chorus, then some form of a breakdown riff - that builds up and climaxes in a solo. However, I don't know what section is meant to be the verse etc in what you've got atm...

I agree with the others that bass is needed for the second riff - but the rest is decent.
#9
Critting as I listen,

Nice intro, very dark sounding. I'm not quite sure why you only have that one sight little bit of bass, and I think more would sound good.

The 2nd riff is really cool, great use of octave chords. I liked the dissonant heavier chords a lot, no complaints here, except...where is the bass?

When it moves to 7/8, that sounds fantastic.

I like the acoustic melody a lot. The harmonies over it though really don't add anything, and just sound mildly onerous to me. I'd say cut those.

Well, from here, you've got about a thousand places you could go. A chorus? A bass solo in 23/16 timing? A ragtime keyboard section?
It's all up to what you want the piece to sound like. Personally, I would say bass solo (but maybe not in 23/16... :p), then a chorus. But whatever.

I enjoyed what you had, and look forward to hearing the finish product.

As you work on that, would you mind critting my piece?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1138059
Use RSE if you have it. Thanks.
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