#1
hye guys i keep gettin rejected and i was pissed off so i wrote this the stff in red is supposed to be screamed and on the long yeeeees start on a growl and go into a scream


Every time I try, I fail (live interlude)
Verse
Is there something wrong with me,
Can’t I just have this one thing,
Is it too much to ask,
For that one little task,

Chorus
Why can’t you just say yes (yes)
Don’t put me through this stress (stress)
it’s the easiest word
that I’ve ever heard,
yeeeees,
bitch


©Ben Allen
#4
Someone needs a *hug*

It's short and terse which kind of gives it a frantic feeling :-)
#5
"Where's the rest of the song?"


it's an interlude supposed to be short idiot
#6
^Don't bring that kind of attitude around here.

To go as far as "copywriting" this pile is borderline hilarious. It was boring, unoriginal, and had no focus apart from vague, cliched rhymes about rejection. Give your writing sustenance- there was not one single bit of imagery in this to grab onto. It left me thinking nothing other than what an angry, uncreative guy the writer must be.

Send me a link when you write your next piece if you think you can change my opinion.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#7
i feel your pain... that doesn't mean i feel this piece though. sure you're pissed off but that gets boring fast. anger is way more effective when it's subtle and clever. you want a chick to say yes? write something a tad deeper, a tad more thoughtful, a tad less shallow, a tad more heartfelt. you put no effort into this.

lol but that's not what this was meant to be, so why bother trying? i actually laughed the end. not in an insulting way to you, but it was just amusing. probably because i feel like that a lot (although i've never technically really been rejected (i give up before i ask)).
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.