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#1
So we wrote a story in Biology one day...It's pretty pimp IMO but we'll see what you think, this story was made up as we went along....no prewriting I'm surprised it work out the way it did.

Oh and this is not the most grammatically correct story so don't judge us!

!!!Warning massive wall of text!!!

Me
Brian(My Friend)

One day whilst Les Claypool was tuning his bass, he heard a peculiarnoise eminating from the basement
So he went to check it out, on his way to the basement he tripped over a South American Tiger named Jerry. Thus making Jerry uber pissed, so he broke all the strings on Les's bass. Les let out an outraged cry and jumps at Jerry
Clearly and epic battle was about to enfold. Les screamed in rage as he unleashed a Spirit Bomb directly into Jerrry's face! Jerry fell, vanquished and decapaitated, with a dull thud. Then a starge aura appeared around his body...Something was happening
Les though, "Oh it's nothing just Jerry's spirit coming back to life...."
"Oh ****!" yelled Les
As the spirit rose it floated slowly towards Les. Instead of standing there and dying Les sprints to the basement. When he closed the door he hears Jerry's ghastly whail. The he hears the strange noise again...

Mr. Claypool has once again found himself in quite the predicament. At the top of the stairs he is faced with two choices, venture down and face the noise, or stand strong against the tiger's apparition. He ponders this and decides to go down.
As he walks down the stairs he notices a small dandiprat something tun across his line of vision. As he crosses the last few steps he realizes that the stairs are now dirt and he seems to be in an underground world far different from his own. Little people are running around chanting, "She's so fine, she's so sweet, her mom and papa raised her on huge slabs of meat."
He now has many questions to think of, Where the **** is he? How did he get here? And Who are these strange creatures and what are they singing about? Perhaps they're praising their Queen in some odd ritual
Or perhaps they are praising their Meat God? Then the group looks up into the sky, well not so much a sky but a huge peice of meat dripping with juices. Then all of the sudden a zebra with a crown comes to stand atop an altar.
Les is absolutely perplexed. An entire race of freaky midgets worshipping meat, with a Zebra as their King? What could he do? Well, naturally he joined their chant and hunkered down. Mabye he could pass as one of their own. He makes his way to the Zebra and asks,
"Who are you you people, and how long have you been here?"
"The Zebra simply replies, "We've always been here Les, and we always will."
Then a giant beef monster erupts from the floor, it extends it's arms in a friendly gesture as if to shake hands

But then suddenly it grabs him by the thumbs and twisted. Les let out a scream of pain and kicked the meat monster right where it hurts most, in the nose. But Les realizes the monster has no nose. The monster let out a meaty meat monster laugh that turns Les's legs to jelly. Then all of the sudden he hears the door at the top of the stairs crash open. Jerry comes down the stairs in a rage, babbling some nonsense about the oven being left on and the house is on fire.
"Les I will not let the meat monster kill you, nor the fire," Said Jerry
Jerry then walked over to the monster and kicks him in the shin, killing the monster imeediately. He then grabs Les and transports him outside. Once outside, Les sees his house really is on fire. Jerry then looks at Les and let's out a meniacal laugh and lunges at Les. Les just has time to pull out a Low E bass string and whips Jerry in the face. The string passes right through Jerry. Les hits the ground and rolls going Super Saiyan 3 in the blink of an eye. Then Jerry started chargin his lazor saying,
"I'm chargin mah lazor!"

"In the name of all that is holy I shall vanquish thee fiend" Les's battle cry seems to stun Jerry. The lazerrs momentarily stopped charging, just long enough for Les to whip out his PEW PEW Cannon, he barely gets it loaded before Jerry continues charging.
"I'm firin mah lazors!!!!" yells Jerry.
"PEW PEW PEW PEW!!" shrieked Les.
MAbye the thunderous blasts would have cancelled each other out, mabye not, but we will never know because at the last moment a Mudkip jumped between them. The poor little guy was destroyed instantly. Les was comepletely baffled but moreso horrified.
"I herd u liek mudkipz," said Jerry, with a twisted grimace on his face.
"I did liek tehm u nub bastard!!!!!!!" screamed Les with hate filled words.
Now this battle is not only fueled but Les's will to survive but also to avenge the loss of the Mudkip.

Jerry starts morphing into only God know's what. Les looked on in horror as Jerry slowly took on the form of a giant platypus with a horrific spike on it's foot.
"You cannot win Les," Mocked Jerry.
Les looks cooly at Jerry with his mudkip fueled rage, puts on his Naruto headband and does his jutsu. In a puff of smoke Les dissapears. Jerry looks around in bewilderment then he hears a shrieking "BREAAAAAA!!!!!" from the sky. Looking up he sees a pterodactyl Les thing falling from the sky with it's pinky claw extended. Jerry lifts his spike foot up at the last second , a thunderous roar and the world was instantaneously destroyed...or so we think!

Luckily at the last second Les rips a hole in the time-space continuum and flees to a parallel dimension. But wait! Jerry to is coming through the tear, in a racecar! Jerry was a RAcecar Driver! HE accelerated and tried to hit Les, but Les stands strong and whips out a PEW PEW Destroyer! He launches a massive blast straight into the hood of the car. The car erupts into flame and and flies away flipping through the air.
Les walks slowly but confidently towards the car. He looks in to find Jerry gone. He let's out a cheer of triumph and then his worst horror comes true.
His parallell self and Jerry come rising out of the ground.
"Oh sweet Jesus," said Les in horror.
The the parallell creatures launch themselves at Les. Les barely has time to let out a Destructo Disk before parallell Les is atop him, he at least thinks gladly that he has pwned that n00b Parallell Jerry.
"I'm gonna gut you like a piggy," Parallell Les says with a sneer.
Then the real Jerry comes out of nowhere using his super attack, Super Spirit Tiger Paw Extravaganza Super Slash.

As Jerry's claws, glowing with power, sunk into Parallel Les's back the Parallel Jerry started charging up his special attack, Super Hyper Atomic Demon Power Pounce Parallel Jerry's teeth sunk into the real Jerry's neck killing him instantly, but at least Jerry was able to kill Parallel Les. It now appears that it's all between Parallel Jerry and Les Claypool. Surely the outcome of this battle will decide the fate of the universe.
Then Les get's sick of all this fighting nonsense , he then does an unnecessary amount of backflips and karate chops Parallel Jerry in the throat. Parallel Jerry dies intantaneously. Les then goes home to take a **** and write couple of new songs called Shake Hands With Beef & Jerry was A Racecar Driver

epic lulz should being ensuing about now


EDIT* tl;dr: A stroy about how Les Claypool wrote the songs Shake Hands With Beef and Jerry Was A Racecar Driver, many annoying memes, but you should get a few lulz
Last edited by GuitarYay at Jul 17, 2009,
#3
Quote by GuitarYay
So we wrote a story in Biology one day...It's pretty pimp IMO but we'll see what you think, this story was made up as we went along....no prewriting I'm surprised it work out the way it did.


You should be happy I read a few sentences after that.
I love Foxy Shazam more than you.



▲ ▲

#5
Awesome.
"If an injury need to be done to a man, it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared."
- Niccolo Machiavelli
#6
Quote by guitar-godfrey
when i grow up i wanna have blackandsilver's babies!

Quote by angusfan16

Quote by Scowmoo
..
HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#7
Quote by joshua122593
Oh my god...


you managed to type that for the Pit???

Yes sir I did, i hope you enjoyed it thouroghly
#8
That story is really pimp.
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#9
Quote by GuitarYay
So we wrote a story in Biology one day...It's pretty pimp IMO but we'll see what you think, this story was made up as we went along....no prewriting I'm surprised it work out the way it did.

Oh and this is not the most grammatically correct story so don't judge us!

!!!Warning massive wall of text!!!

Me
Brian(My Friend)

One day whilst Les Claypool was tuning his bass, he heard a peculiarnoise eminating from the basement
So he went to check it out, on his way to the basement he tripped over a South American Tiger named Jerry. Thus making Jerry uber pissed, so he broke all the strings on Les's bass. Les let out an outraged cry and jumps at Jerry
Clearly and epic battle was about to enfold. Les screamed in rage as he unleashed a Spirit Bomb directly into Jerrry's face! Jerry fell, vanquished and decapaitated, with a dull thud. Then a starge aura appeared around his body...Something was happening
Les though, "Oh it's nothing just Jerry's spirit coming back to life...."
"Oh ****!" yelled Les
As the spirit rose it floated slowly towards Les. Instead of standing there and dying Les sprints to the basement. When he closed the door he hears Jerry's ghastly whail. The he hears the strange noise again...

Mr. Claypool has once again found himself in quite the predicament. At the top of the stairs he is faced with two choices, venture down and face the noise, or stand strong against the tiger's apparition. He ponders this and decides to go down.
As he walks down the stairs he notices a small dandiprat something tun across his line of vision. As he crosses the last few steps he realizes that the stairs are now dirt and he seems to be in an underground world far different from his own. Little people are running around chanting, "She's so fine, she's so sweet, her mom and papa raised her on huge slabs of meat."
He now has many questions to think of, Where the **** is he? How did he get here? And Who are these strange creatures and what are they singing about? Perhaps they're praising their Queen in some odd ritual
Or perhaps they are praising their Meat God? Then the group looks up into the sky, well not so much a sky but a huge peice of meat dripping with juices. Then all of the sudden a zebra with a crown comes to stand atop an altar.
Les is absolutely perplexed. An entire race of freaky midgets worshipping meat, with a Zebra as their King? What could he do? Well, naturally he joined their chant and hunkered down. Mabye he could pass as one of their own. He makes his way to the Zebra and asks,
"Who are you you people, and how long have you been here?"
"The Zebra simply replies, "We've always been here Les, and we always will."
Then a giant beef monster erupts from the floor, it extends it's arms in a friendly gesture as if to shake hands

But then suddenly it grabs him by the thumbs and twisted. Les let out a scream of pain and kicked the meat monster right where it hurts most, in the nose. But Les realizes the monster has no nose. The monster let out a meaty meat monster laugh that turns Les's legs to jelly. Then all of the sudden he hears the door at the top of the stairs crash open. Jerry comes down the stairs in a rage, babbling some nonsense about the oven being left on and the house is on fire.
"Les I will not let the meat monster kill you, nor the fire," Said Jerry
Jerry then walked over to the monster and kicks him in the shin, killing the monster imeediately. He then grabs Les and transports him outside. Once outside, Les sees his house really is on fire. Jerry then looks at Les and let's out a meniacal laugh and lunges at Les. Les just has time to pull out a Low E bass string and whips Jerry in the face. The string passes right through Jerry. Les hits the ground and rolls going Super Saiyan 3 in the blink of an eye. Then Jerry started chargin his lazor saying,
"I'm chargin mah lazor!"

"In the name of all that is holy I shall vanquish thee fiend" Les's battle cry seems to stun Jerry. The lazerrs momentarily stopped charging, just long enough for Les to whip out his PEW PEW Cannon, he barely gets it loaded before Jerry continues charging.
"I'm firin mah lazors!!!!" yells Jerry.
"PEW PEW PEW PEW!!" shrieked Les.
MAbye the thunderous blasts would have cancelled each other out, mabye not, but we will never know because at the last moment a Mudkip jumped between them. The poor little guy was destroyed instantly. Les was comepletely baffled but moreso horrified.
"I herd u liek mudkipz," said Jerry, with a twisted grimace on his face.
"I did liek tehm u nub bastard!!!!!!!" screamed Les with hate filled words.
Now this battle is not only fueled but Les's will to survive but also to avenge the loss of the Mudkip.

Jerry starts morphing into only God know's what. Les looked on in horror as Jerry slowly took on the form of a giant platypus with a horrific spike on it's foot.
"You cannot win Les," Mocked Jerry.
Les looks cooly at Jerry with his mudkip fueled rage, puts on his Naruto headband and does his jutsu. In a puff of smoke Les dissapears. Jerry looks around in bewilderment then he hears a shrieking "BREAAAAAA!!!!!" from the sky. Looking up he sees a pterodactyl Les thing falling from the sky with it's pinky claw extended. Jerry lifts his spike foot up at the last second , a thunderous roar and the world was instantaneously destroyed...or so we think!

Luckily at the last second Les rips a hole in the time-space continuum and flees to a parallel dimension. But wait! Jerry to is coming through the tear, in a racecar! Jerry was a RAcecar Driver! HE accelerated and tried to hit Les, but Les stands strong and whips out a PEW PEW Destroyer! He launches a massive blast straight into the hood of the car. The car erupts into flame and and flies away flipping through the air.
Les walks slowly but confidently towards the car. He looks in to find Jerry gone. He let's out a cheer of triumph and then his worst horror comes true.
His parallell self and Jerry come rising out of the ground.
"Oh sweet Jesus," said Les in horror.
The the parallell creatures launch themselves at Les. Les barely has time to let out a Destructo Disk before parallell Les is atop him, he at least thinks gladly that he has pwned that n00b Parallell Jerry.
"I'm gonna gut you like a piggy," Parallell Les says with a sneer.
Then the real Jerry comes out of nowhere using his super attack, Super Spirit Tiger Paw Extravaganza Super Slash.

As Jerry's claws, glowing with power, sunk into Parallel Les's back the Parallel Jerry started charging up his special attack, Super Hyper Atomic Demon Power Pounce Parallel Jerry's teeth sunk into the real Jerry's neck killing him instantly, but at least Jerry was able to kill Parallel Les. It now appears that it's all between Parallel Jerry and Les Claypool. Surely the outcome of this battle will decide the fate of the universe.
Then Les get's sick of all this fighting nonsense , he then does an unnecessary amount of backflips and karate chops Parallel Jerry in the throat. Parallel Jerry dies intantaneously. Les then goes home to take a **** and write couple of new songs called Shake Hands With Beef & Jerry was A Racecar Driver
Fucking 09'ers
Quote by Bamitchell
So you have possible wang cancer and your on drugs? PWNT.

"Money Can't Buy Life" - Bob Marley
#10
Quote by BlackandSilver

This.


Quote by CoreysMonster

I still like cho0onger more than the 2 of you

Quote by OneHappyCamper
joke's on you, i actually fuck my cat
#11
Quote by element166
Fucking 09'ers

was there really any reason to to quote that? it's takes up enough of a page by itself but antoher one? that's just not cool man
#14
Quote by element166
Fucking 09'ers


Are you mentally retarded? Why quote the OP? If you post something in a thread 9 times out of 10 it is to the OP unless you are answering someone else. Then you quote that person. If anything you are just as retarded as the "fucking 09'ers"
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#15
Quote by RockGuitar92
Are you mentally retarded? Why quote the OP? If you post something in a thread 9 times out of 10 it is to the OP unless you are answering someone else. Then you quote that person. If anything you are just as retarded as the "fucking 09'ers"

well at least your not a horrible person
#16
Quote by GuitarYay
well at least your not a horrible person


Haha sarcasm? I just hate stupid people and anyway I wasn't bashing 09ers. I was just quoting him and what not.
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#17
Quote by RockGuitar92
Haha sarcasm? I just hate stupid people and anyway I wasn't bashing 09ers. I was just quoting him and what not.

oh no sarcasm there was no "...." in that post making it automatically un sarcastic
#18
Quote by GuitarYay
oh no sarcasm there was no "...." in that post making it automatically un sarcastic

You're awesome.
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#19
Quote by GuitarYay
oh no sarcasm there was no "...." in that post making it automatically un sarcastic


Oh ok. Sarcasm over the internet is trivial because not everyone would put quotation marks and what not.
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#20
Quote by Karvid
You're awesome.

hmm seems that could possibly be sarcasm, but since there is no "...." in that I will assume that I am no the most awesome 09'er?


amidoinitrite?
#21
Quote by GuitarYay
hmm seems that could possibly be sarcasm, but since there is no "...." in that I will assume that I am no the most awesome 09'er?


amidoinitrite?

...... um... yeah. Sure.
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#23
Quote by thelurker
Pic of Axl leaning on piano.


Dammit. I see that pic in every thread now.haha
Quote by Laces Out Danny
wtfs a hickey?!
#24
Pew pew pew.
Quote by Ez0ph
That was a different Feb08er that threatened to suck you off
I remember that


Sadly, I was the threatened.
Quote by Firenze


Let it be known that I concur with everything this gentleman says, ever.



www.myspace.com/tarsusmusic
#25
Quote by GuitarYay

epic lulz should being ensuing about now


They're not. But I do respect your efforts.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#26
Quote by neopowell
They're not. But I do respect your efforts.



awww ok, we did try our very hardest, there had to be at least a smile?
#27
Quote by element166
Fucking 09'ers

*facepalm* At least come up with an orginal insult.

EDIT: I lol'd.
Quote by Jackal58
If I was Santa you'd all get shit for Christmas.
#28
Quote by GuitarYay
awww ok, we did try our very hardest, there had to be at least a smile?


I have an erection. Nothing to do with your story, I just have one. Does that count?
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#29
Quote by neopowell
I have an erection. Nothing to do with your story, I just have one. Does that count?



.... only a little
#30
Quote by We'realltoBlame
*facepalm* At least come up with an orginal insult.

EDIT: I lol'd.


well thank you
#32
Quote by Pat_s1t
Ah damn, get rid of the annoying colours first. I would've read it, but the blue and purple made it hard to read.

^Also, no multi-posting

*sigh*

09'ers, eh?


yes we are horrible people...I'm sorry to degrade the pit with my worthlessness
#33
Quote by GuitarYay
yes we are horrible people...I'm sorry to degrade the pit with my worthlessness

You'd better be.

Oh, and tl;dr. But I think the comments are more interesting than the story.
UG POKER!
Quote by WyvernOmega

TL;DR: Saw a girl at Wal-Mart, she started feeling me up, I jizzed in my pants.

Shit, I'm so pathetic.

[quote="'[BurnTheDusk"]']I agree, tone does sound better the closer your genitals are to the ground.

Crabcore?

UNACCEPTABLE
#34
Quote by P-Bass Pirate
You'd better be.

Oh, and tl;dr. But I think the comments are more interesting than the story.

yes yes, I mean really how often do you find a thread where the actual topic is what is interesting?
#35
I cant read that **** on UG Black Style. Way to fail, Faillord. Way to drop the Fail bomb on Failoshima.
Quote by Azgirio
Yeah, you definitely raped his churches and burned his women.

Quote by LordBishek
Forgive the bluntness, but what in the chucklefucking hell is this?
#36
Quote by PluckU
I cant read that **** on UG Black Style. Way to fail, Faillord. Way to drop the Fail bomb on Failoshima.

hmmmm suggestion? use a different style , even though the failshima thing was pretty funny
#37
Your English teacher must be killing him/herself right now.
Quote by SmashandBurn
Teacher: "There will be a test tomorrow no exceptions."

Student: "What about complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

Teacher: "You'll just have to write with your other hand."

Quote by imdeth
Lesbian Link ladies. Oh yes.
#38
Quote by 5th_fret
Your English teacher must be killing him/herself right now.

didn't make it for english, as I said it was in Biology, and I went between past and present tense liek 32 and 1/2 times lol
#40
Quote by xMetalGodx
I'm not quite sure if you were trying to be funny or if you have a learning disability, either way, I was not amused.

He is not amused.
Quote by abdulalhazred
you are the best 09er EVER! i am sending you a friend request as soon as i send this

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