#1
Hey again, really not to sure on this song but I thought I will put it up here and see what people say!!!
Only finished it like 10 minutes ago so yeah......probably not that great lol
Its called Evil Mirrors. Basically about someone looks into a mirror and gets possessed by a evil version of themselves from Hell lol

Mirrors on walls, darkness inside us all.

Entry to another world.

Hearts on edge, throats on floors.

Your demise came to us all.


Crumbled in the corner, can't get away.

Too many demons fighting for their wicked way.

Can't justify your sinful ways, Hells not far away.


Cheered and laughed, sentenced for your childs play.

Guilty, bloodshed caused loved ones and families.

Once your own, part of nothing more then a sacrifice.

Is Hell what you seek for eternity?!


Crumbled in the corner, can't get away.

Too many demons fighting for their wicked way.

Can't justify your sinful ways, Hells not far away.


Possessed by the blade you claim.

From the lower world. A idol to this forgotten son,

Nothing more, Sir Death awaits your call.


Serpents dance around shallow graves.

For the beast in flames, you dedicated.

Fairly medicated, will you ever let them rest in pieces?
#2
Uhm...

Did you recently see Mirrors (Motion Picture) starring Kiefer Sutherland?

It's an ok song. But... there isn't much to it. No depth.
Quote by Twisted Magnum
I'd throw a Marshall MG at him while he succumbs to tone killing gain.

Quote by King Krapp
Spend all $200 on M&M's, then find a friend with an acoustic, and fill the body with them. Why? Because you can.

#3
No, I never.
Not really watched any new films and well this idea is from my friend.
Who wrote a story similar to the idea a year or so ago.
#4
i like i like.. ey this is a retarded question but um i havent been on ina while.. how do you post a forum again?lol
i've got a boner for murder
#5
How do you mean by depth mate?
I'm just wondering because I wanna learn to get better and practise what I'm doing wrong.
So if you don't mind I was wondering if you could explain.
#6
Quote by freak180
i like i like.. ey this is a retarded question but um i havent been on ina while.. how do you post a forum again?lol


Go back from this page and above the forum threads should be a button saying new thread, just click that lol
#9
Quote by Stuart90
How do you mean by depth mate?
I'm just wondering because I wanna learn to get better and practise what I'm doing wrong.
So if you don't mind I was wondering if you could explain.



Well, add some metaphors, stay away from sounding the same as other songs, ya know?
Quote by Twisted Magnum
I'd throw a Marshall MG at him while he succumbs to tone killing gain.

Quote by King Krapp
Spend all $200 on M&M's, then find a friend with an acoustic, and fill the body with them. Why? Because you can.

#10
Hey again, really not to sure on this song but I thought I will put it up here and see what people say!!!
Only finished it like 10 minutes ago so yeah......probably not that great lol
Its called Evil Mirrors. Basically about someone looks into a mirror and gets possessed by a evil version of themselves from Hell lol
[a quick note: don't tell us your stuff isn't good. that put me in the mindset that i wasn't going to like it or that or that it was a throwaway piece. just something to keep in mind that i see in these forums pretty often.]

Mirrors on walls, darkness inside us all.
Entry to another world.
Hearts on edge, throats on floors.
Your demise came to us all.



Crumbled in the corner, can't get away.
Too many demons fighting for their wicked way.
Can't justify your sinful ways, Hells not far away.
[away/way/away? you might want to expand the vocabulary here so you can avoid rhyming the same word with itself three times.]


Cheered and laughed, sentenced for your childs play.
Guilty, bloodshed caused loved ones and families.
Once your own, part of nothing more then a sacrifice.
Is Hell what you seek for eternity?!
[again, this stanza does not make sense to me. why is s/he cheering? are the families being sacrificed? why is there an interrobang at the end instead of just a question mark?]


Crumbled in the corner, can't get away.
Too many demons fighting for their wicked way.
Can't justify your sinful ways, Hells not far away.
[same as above: away/way/away.]


Possessed by the blade you claim.
From the lower world. A idol to this forgotten son,
Nothing more, Sir Death awaits your call.
[an idol. also, he has a sword from hell, and it's possessed him? and it's going to kill him, and death is just waiting for him to die? is that right?]


Serpents dance around shallow graves.
For the beast in flames, you dedicated.
Fairly medicated, will you ever let them rest in pieces?
[rest in pieces seems like fairly hackneyed wordplay. like, something you would see on a straight-to-dvd troma movie at blockbuster. try to avoid cliches like that.]



i feel like the idea for this is promising, but the story behind it is almost frustratingly unclear. if you hadn't said in the beginning what the song was about, i would have never guessed what the plot was. i guess when you write a story, you have to make sure that someone outside your mind can understand what is going on. it's hard, i know, but you'll get the hang of it.

also: metal? like, d&d/dragonforce/the sword type metal? it definitely has that feel. which is totally alright by me.
#11
Yeah, I'm a BIG fan of Dio and Dragonforce lyrics and that haha
And I suppose thats what I kinda try to do but well I'am new to writing lyrics/songs, learning things day by day and etc and thank you for all your advice.
I remember last year, there was no way I could of put a sentence together but now I'm giving it a try so hoping to at least learn alot anyway lol
#12
Hey again, really not to sure on this song but I thought I will put it up here and see what people say!!!
Only finished it like 10 minutes ago so yeah......probably not that great lol
Its called Evil Mirrors. Basically about someone looks into a mirror and gets possessed by a evil version of themselves from Hell lol
here are the lyrics
Mirrors on walls, darkness inside us all.

Entry to another world.

Hearts on edge, throats on floors.

Your demise came to us all.


Crumbled in the corner, can't get away.

Too many demons fighting for their wicked way.

Can't justify your sinful ways, Hells not far away.


Cheered and laughed, sentenced for your childs play.

Guilty, bloodshed caused loved ones and families.

Once your own, part of nothing more then a sacrifice.

Is Hell what you seek for eternity?!


Crumbled in the corner, can't get away.

Too many demons fighting for their wicked way.

Can't justify your sinful ways, Hells not far away.


Possessed by the blade you claim.

From the lower world. A idol to this forgotten son,

Nothing more, Sir Death awaits your call.


Serpents dance around shallow graves.

For the beast in flames, you dedicated.

Fairly medicated, will you ever let them rest in pieces?


thats really nice lyrics, give them to me and together we can really have a great song out of those lyrics!
#13
Quote by hermosotrozo
thats really nice lyrics, give them to me and together we can really have a great song out of those lyrics!



Nah, good or bad, never giving anyway anything lol
#16
Quote by decolletagerest
I agree. Be confident in your work man


Thanks, I'm not a confident person but I'll try harder in future hah