#1
took the long time to tell - that girl dancing
would go straight to hell

if i were the judge at the gate. she plainly would
hate the methodology of good dancing,

reject the hypothese I would assert to be
true. you knew - you saw her too,

jaggedly ragging her way through boogie
nights, a lag on jailbreak rock and all that.

straight to the ash, from hottest bot on the
block to cutest corpse on the cinder,

an aimless ramble to more cinder,
her feet taking the brunt of the bruise;

like her soles now, feeling the ache of
an excessive consumption of booze.

judge her like that, as the devil's sort of gal,
and watch her drool, envisaging her role.

she'd love it.
#2
...
Guitars:
-Gibson Les Paul Custom Shop Silverburst (Invader/'59)
-Fender Standard Telecaster HH Black (SH-5/'59)
-Fender Standard Stratocaster HH White (Nazgul/'59)
-Austin Guitars Les Paul Goldtop Copy (Distortion/'59)
-Ovation ApplauseAE44II Elite Black Acoustic


Amps/Cabs
-Peavey 6505+
-Peavey Stereo Chorus 2x12 Combo
-Behringer Ultracoustic ACX450 1x8 Acoustic Combo
-Marshall MX2x12 Cabinet


Wayyyyy too many effects pedals...
#3
hmmmm. interesting. i like the theme here. The flow gets iffy in some spots-- although that could just be the way i'm reading it, and not necessarily a reflection of your intentions.

jaggedly ragging her way through boogie
nights, a lag on jailbreak rock and all that. <----- this line killed the Flow.

an aimless ramble to more cinder,
her feet taking the brunt of the bruise;

like her soles now, feeling the ache of
an excessive consumption of booze.

judge her like that, as the devil's sort of gal,
and watch her drool, envisaging her role.

she'd love it.

^^ didn't like the use of envisaging, just seems like too chunky a word to go there. just my .02


nice stuff

--jay
#5
oh jamie, I know that one girl all too much.

This reached out to me a huge amount. The kind of piece that makes your heart beat harder enough that you notice.

it made me sad.