#1
c4c, please leave a link or title if you can. Thanks for reading!

"king midas"

she speaks in bedtime stories as
I weave the lies of
quiet skies and fireflies;
leaving bonfires behind for the former to find
whispers of wave-worn trails hidden by black widow eyes.
she tells tales of sailing great golden seas
and all the spaniards who came looking for me.

I ran for miles and miles
over roots, weeds, dirt, and trees
with nothing to show but two scarred feet,
grass-stained jeans, and black holes for knees.
I have traveled too far to hear you call for me
and I have become the king of every place my cursed hands have been

'I am sending this message across the sea
and anyone who gets it needs to come and rescue me'

I am a king and I have lived for centuries
watching men melt to skeletons beneath my feet.
I have spent nights choking on salt-soaked fever dreams
playing melodies on golden leaves for the gods to sleep.
I am a king and everything I touch finds a reason to shine
I am a king yet everything I've ever loved has died
#2
Quote by Milo.
c4c, please leave a link or title if you can. Thanks for reading!

"king midas"

she speaks in bedtime stories as
I weave the lies of
quiet skies and fireflies;
Intro was fantastic, I love the rhyme!
leaving bonfires behind for the former to find
This line was also good. I don't usually like rhyme, but you use it fantastically!
whispers of wave-worn trails hidden by black widow eyes.
she tells tales of sailing great golden seas
and all the spaniards who came looking for me.
I didn't like this last line, it was nothing compared to the rest of the stanza. The rest of the stanza was fantastic, I honestly have no complaints.

I ran for miles and miles
over roots, weeds, dirt, and trees
with nothing to show but two scarred feet,
These three lines were kind of mediocre, they didn't have the same feel as the lines in the previous stanza.
grass-stained jeans, and black holes for knees.
This line was good.
I have traveled too far to hear you call for me
and I have become the king of every place my cursed hands have been
This stanza is decent, though not as good as the first one. Unfortunately, you set such a high standard in the first stanza, that even you yourself find it hard to keep consistent.

'I am sending this message across the sea
and anyone who gets it needs to come and rescue me'
I didn't like these two lines at all. Rephrase them or delete them.

I am a king and I have lived for centuries
watching men melt to skeletons beneath my feet.
I have spent nights choking on salt-soaked fever dreams
This line was immense. I think it's my favourite in the piece. The two lines before it were decent, but nothing special.
playing melodies on golden leaves for the gods to sleep.
This line was also great.
I am a king and everything I touch finds a reason to shine
I am a king yet everything I've ever loved has died
Awesome ending! I have very few complaints; your use of rhyme is fantastic, the structure is good, the content is good. There were very few lines I didn't liked, and that's just me being realy nitpicky. This was really good man, is it a song or just a poem?


c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1080011

I know it's long, but a brief look and an opinion would be nice