#1
short. c4c.


Celestialize your feelings.
We'll carry them, burning bright
straight to the rooftop of the
university science building.
Cast them toward the pavement.
We'll call it modern art.

Paint an image with four letter words.
I'll stand by your side;
ooh and ahh.
I'll call you a midget picasso.
Then we'll set your paper alight and
have a diver swim it to the bottom of the Hudson.
We'll call it breaking free.
#2
carrier
should be carry.

...don't know what to think of this yet, i'll be back.
*ponders*
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#3


'carry'.

'Paint' alone was weird after the 'we'll' of the line before; it would have been fine with a greater pause beforehand, but the continuous use of full stops stopped that pause from being as bold as I would have liked.

I enjoyed this far more than I usually do when I say I've enjoyed something.

I still need to write a piece for our 1v1, might just have to send you my last piece if that's okay (though I'd like to write something for it).
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
Last edited by DigUpHerBones at Mar 11, 2009,
#6
Sent.

I'm going to print this piece out and look at it thoroughly later.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#7
Whether or not you want it to the phrase, 'We'll call it modern art.' makes me angry inside! (as opposed to outside?).

If it's you're intention to tap into that group of people than whatever, but if it's not you should know it makes me instantly biased towards not liking your poem! soz, i'm a fickle lady
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#8
Meh.
will be back

EDIT: yeah I rememeber seeing this in the freepost thread
so... yeah
Last edited by Hesh at Mar 11, 2009,
#9
Quote by meh!
Whether or not you want it to the phrase, 'We'll call it modern art.' makes me angry inside! (as opposed to outside?).

If it's you're intention to tap into that group of people than whatever, but if it's not you should know it makes me instantly biased towards not liking your poem! soz, i'm a fickle lady


I kind of feel the same way.

Midget picasso was silly sounding. Rest was decently done. I think this was ok but half the lines I liked and half made me :/

mixed feelings on this.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#10
Thanks gents (and lady).

The idea was to take a logical look at what people call "modern art" and how, half the time, its silly acts that "symbolize deeper things." The fact that this drives me crazy; because people just look for deeper meanings in crazy things like throwing a paper with your feelings written on them into a river... etc. It's never made sense to me. It holds no logical value. So yes, it was to call out the "modern art" kids. Go ahead and hate me ;P.

Leave me links, children.
#11
you write poetry and post it on a forum to be critiqued and yet you complain about something having no "logical" value?

If you like evolution read Dawkins, if you like vampire romance read Twilight, if you like fictional southern towns and unending sentences read Faulkner, if you like painted cans of soup go to MOMA.

seems like a p(r)etty silly thing to write about, particularly as a poem. wasnt a fan of this at all. though I suppose if it makes you happy...

#12
I agree, guy above me, for someone who is very vested in free speech and its ability to convey messages beyond the sum of its words, you sure are knocking an entire genre of art using poetry. How would you feel if I drew a picture of you writing a poem with LOL N00B plastered across it?
#13
If it makes them happy, go for it. I don't care. But to me, expressing yourself by lighting a page on fire with the names of all your ex-girlfriends (the act that really brought this on, I watched some kid do it to "set himself free") will never make sense to me. With writing, you are putting yourself out there. I don't understand why he couldn't have just coped by just moving on or writing something down about how he feels.



Think of me what you will; you should know by now I don't give a damn. Its just something I don't understand the significance of; and when I asked him he said it was art.
#14
Quote by ZanasCross
Thanks gents (and lady).

The idea was to take a logical look at what people call "modern art" and how, half the time, its silly acts that "symbolize deeper things." The fact that this drives me crazy; because people just look for deeper meanings in crazy things like throwing a paper with your feelings written on them into a river... etc. It's never made sense to me. It holds no logical value. So yes, it was to call out the "modern art" kids. Go ahead and hate me ;P.

Leave me links, children.




and yeah, lighting a piece of paper with some names on it might not make sense to you, but so what? if that makes the kid feel better then fine, no need to judge him or whatever. its really no different from writing your feelings down; is putting your thoughts down on paper gonna change anything? probably not, but its a form of expression and coping with things. does it seem logical? not really. "im having a bad day, what should i do? i know! i should write my thoughts down using oscure metaphors and incorporating every poetry technique known to man. yeah, that's gonna make things better." different people deal with things differentely. let them be, i do understand where you're coming from but still.

as for the actual piece, my thoughts = jimi's
#15
I'm not judging him at all; I really am not. If it made him feel better, awesome! I asked him what the hell he was doing because he was standing outside a public buildign (with high-explosive chemicals inside) waving about a piece of paper on fire. I don't care what he does, if it makes him feel better; fantastic.

And I don't cope by writing... if I did, I wouldn't have Dylan bitching at me about my pieces having no connection point . I write because I like to expand on random thoughts in my brain. So, I just don't understand coping mechanisms such as these.... sorry. I wasn't judging, simply questioning and expressing my opinion on the matter by painting over the top versions of the thing I was talking about.

I'm done stating my case now. I wasn't judging; promise.
#17
I'm with you, Zach. Modern art i never got and every word of this made sense because of that. Stop pinching stuff out of my mind, bitch
#18
I got something more from this; I'll try to sum it up later.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#19
Yep, I'm with DigUpHerBones, here.

For one thing, I feel like the subject matter of a poem is almost entirely immaterial. If you can write beautifully and movingly about a poop, go for it. Don't expect a lot of readers, of course. Still. One person writes about Fallout 3, one person writes about suicide, one person writes about the "free market economy..." If a poem is well written, it's well written.

I actually didn't see this as knocking modern art, so much as it was tipping a hat to catharsis. If you get your catharsis from painting an image with four letter words (like "four" and "spot," for example), who am I to judge your catharsis? Go, Catharsis Boy! Battle your inner demons with witty speech balloons! Say "hi" to Pathos Man in his tight uniform!

*ahem*

Anyway, one gets catharsis where one finds it, and if you call it modern art, letting go, or breaking free, it's catharsis. And the poem is good.

Oh, and "leave me links, children." Done.

peace
Last edited by Nilchii at Mar 12, 2009,
#20
to counterbalance my last post,

zack, you've become a much better writer, even in the past couple months, and you've done that without compromising your own (albeit completely wrong ) views and personality. it's impressive to say the least.

keep it up brosef.



edit: oh, and could you just take a quick look at my newest? I want to see if you like it or hate it.