#1
Time is Paralyzed


How can things happen?

I looked up five minutes ago
It pointed to four
I’m sure of it

How can I go on like this?
I need to get out that door
Math is testing my wit

Not until the big hand is pointing to five

Will I ever truly leave this place?
Even after I step out that door, I'll find myself back here in twenty-four
Wasting minute after minute every single day of the week

Will this all be worth it in the end?
Staring at the clock, will time ever bend?

I don’t know if I can go on like this
Watching the clock, clenching my fist
Last edited by JacKofAces91 at Mar 11, 2009,
#2
Nice
Intense
My kind of poem!
Dont really know what to crit...its all good!
Just keep on writing like this.

Thought provoking poems rip like blade to skin, like heroin to a hero.
#4
Hmmm.

I'm not sure what to think.

The content itself is good, I have no complaints at all. But there were some lines, such as "...how can I go on like this?" that were just; well, in your face, straight to the point, boring. There's nothing to think about.

And I know there are some people who like that sort of stuff, it's a matter of taste. But personally, I'd like to see more adjectives, more metaphors and more lines that can mean numerous things.

Just a thought, really. It's honestly not bad, just not my sort of thing I guess.

Oh, but I really hated the title. Seriously, change it!