#1
I just wrote these new lyrics (will find what chords fit it later) all in an hour. The song is about Nuns with Guns, it's probably the most serious song I've written and I feel it turned out pretty good. People I showed them to described them as morbid, dark, sad, but carrying a good message. I feel a bit uncomfortable posting the lyrics, Ive never done it online before, is it safe to do out of curiosity (I just mean that as are people going to steal it or can I help it?)?
YOU ARE NOW MANUALLY BREATHING!

Quote by Toxicity3431
Bro, you needs you a streetsweeper. Huntin and defense right there.

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You, sir, are good.
#3
Okay, thier still in the making, also I put them in no specific order I just wrote them as they came to me. Also please give constructive critisim but try to be easy as I have only written a handful of songs, and i'm still only like 14. Here it goes:

PS. When I wrote this song all I could imagine was Serj Tankian (System of a Down lead singer) singing this! His voice would be perfect for this!

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.....
The bullets fly, make the children cry, today everyone shall die die die!

Someone throws open the door, children scream "No More!", but soon the brass will hit the floor.

Lights go out, children continue to pout, but the guns comence to shout shout shout.

The children get up, pass through the muck, of nuns who've had a change of luck.

Children packed in the hall, they turn and ball, listening to the bodies fall fall fall.

Nuns fighting nuns, dont fret my sons, at these crude ironic puns.

These nuns they kill, so children please be still, the dead feed a massing hill.

Guns fire with such might, children please avert your sight, why must they fight fight fight?

It will be a sad sad day, when even nuns are forced to carry guns.

How violent we are if even nuns must carry guns.

bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang *nuns with guns/look at their bodies fall* (*notes wispered... ; equals about a half second pause here)

We're sorry you have to live in such a world little children, where even those who are supposed to be setting an example are fighting amongst each other, why wouldn't they just work together to fix the problem you ask?, because that would make F***ing sense!

Those children made a vow that day, to recreate the world, one where people worked together to fix problems, instead of squabling amongst each other and creating more, after all who wants to live in such a world, where even your nuns are forced to carry guns!
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I plan on that "bang bang bang" line to be th chorus. And the last line to be the outro.

*Could you just see the music video for this?!


EDIT:
I would like some suggestions on the song. So far it's a little short but it will be longer when there's music filling in the gaps, still if you have any alterations or additions to the lines please comment. Any help is appreciated, much thanks.
YOU ARE NOW MANUALLY BREATHING!

Quote by Toxicity3431
Bro, you needs you a streetsweeper. Huntin and defense right there.

Quote by The.new.guy
You, sir, are good.
Last edited by Theid at Mar 12, 2009,
#4
Okay I've tried to put it in the order I'm imagining it so hope this makes it better.

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..
...
....
.....
Are we really such a violent and irrational race, that we must fight amongst each other, instead of working towards common goals, so violent that there is no peace in the world, a world where even nuns are forced to carry guns?

Someone throws open the door, children scream "No More!", but soon the brass will hit the floor.

Lights go out, children begin to pout, but the guns comence to shout shout shout.

*want to add just one more line here I'll get that later*

How violent are we if even nuns must carry guns?

bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang *nuns with guns*
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang *just look at those bodies fall*
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang

Children packed in the hall, they turn and ball, listening to the bodies fall fall fall.

The bullets how they fly,how the children cry, today everyone shall die die die!

Guns fire with such might, children avert your sight, why must they so fight fight fight?

We're sorry you have to live in such a world little children, where even those who are supposed to be setting an example are fighting amongst each other, why wouldn't they just work together to fix the problem you ask?, because that would make F***ing sense!

bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang *nuns with guns*
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang *just look at those bodies fall*
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang

Nuns fighting nuns, dont fret my sons, at these crude ironic puns.

These nuns they kill, so children please be still, the dead feed a massing hill.

*add one line here to better transition to next line*

The children get up, and pass through the muck, of nuns who've had a change of luck.

It's going to be a sad sad day, when even nuns are forced to carry guuuns.

(chorus loops in background w/o the *'s)
Those children, made a vow that day, to recreate the world, one where people worked together to fix problems, instead of squabling amongst each other and creating more, after all who wants to live in such a world, where even your nuns are forced to carry guns!
.....
....
...
..
.

Hope this helps also If it helps you follow the song imagine SOAD (sort of alternative like) doing it, after I wrote it I realized how much inpiration I drew from them for this song (as far as vocals and structure I believe... eh it would sound alot better if you could hear this thing the way I imagine it)

I will fill in the spots where I mentioned wanting to add a bit more, I will update then so please try to cheak up on me.
YOU ARE NOW MANUALLY BREATHING!

Quote by Toxicity3431
Bro, you needs you a streetsweeper. Huntin and defense right there.

Quote by The.new.guy
You, sir, are good.
Last edited by Theid at Mar 12, 2009,
#5
Okay this is my final edit on the lyrics, next I make the actual music.

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..
...
....
.....
Intro
Are we really such a violent and irrational race
That we must fight amongst each other
Instead of work together towards common goals
So violent that there is no peace in the world
A world where even nuns are forced to carry guns...

Verse 1
Someone throws open the door, children scream "NO MORE!", but soon the brass will hit the floor!
Lights go out, children they pout, but the guns they commence to shout shout shout!
The nuns are being hit, children they throw a fit, but throats continue to be slit

Pre-Chorus
How violent we are if even nuns are forced to carry guns

Chorus (see bottom for *s)
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang; bang(*1) bang ba-bang bang
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang; bang(*2) bang ba-bang bang
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang;

Verse 2
Children packed in the hall, they turn and ball, listening to those bodies fall fall fall!
The bullets how they fly, how those children cry, today everyone shall die die die!
Guns fire with such might, children please avert your sight, why must they so fight fight fight?

Bridge
We're sorry you have to live in such a world little children
One where even those who are supposed to be setting an example are fighting amongst Each other
Why wouldn't they just work together to fix the problem you ask?
Because that would make to much f***ing sense!

Chorus (see bottom for *s)
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang; bang(*1) bang ba-bang bang
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang; bang(*2) bang ba-bang bang
bang bang bang; bang bang ba-bang bang; bang bang bang;

Verse 3
Nuns fighting nuns, do not fret my sons, at these cruel ironic puns.
The nuns they kill, now children please be still, the dead they feed a massing hill.
The ending it is here, the children listen and try to hear, but no fighting left to fear.
The children they get up, and pass through the muck, of nuns who've had a change of luck.

Outro (Chorus loops in background without the *'s)
Those children
Made a vow that day
To create a world
One where people worked together
To fix problems
Instead of squabble amongst each other
And create more
After all
Who really wants to live in a world
Where even nuns carry guns?
.....
....
...
..
.

*1
Nuns with guns

*2
just look at those bodies fall

both of these are wispered during respective parts of the chorus, the wispering will be played over the chorus itself.


The chorus sounds kinda choppy unless you know the rhythm, which I am not going to make myself look like an idiot trying to explain it online.
YOU ARE NOW MANUALLY BREATHING!

Quote by Toxicity3431
Bro, you needs you a streetsweeper. Huntin and defense right there.

Quote by The.new.guy
You, sir, are good.