#1
This is my very first song. I cant stop listening to it! But Im having some writer's block issues and cant seem to think of an ending. I could use some constructive criticism to maybe give me an idea of where to run with it.

Genre: black metal. Lemme know what you think. C4C
Attachments:
A red moon rises_ver3.gp4
#2
Great song, one of the best black metal songs ive heard in awhile.
For the ending, it kinda sounds like of build up to something, so I guess you could throw in guitar solo? followed by another chorus then an ending of some kind.
Also, get a band and record it.
#3
Quote by nostrings
For the ending, it kinda sounds like of build up to something, so I guess you could throw in guitar solo? followed by another chorus then an ending of some kind.
Also, get a band and record it.


Haha thanks dude. I dunno if Im good enough to be in a band yet but Ill work on it.

You pretty much read my mind on the solo. I want to put a solo after it but ive never written one and not really sure where to start...
#4
Since you commented on my song i'll return the favour

It's a pretty sick song but I think having a bit of a change for the ending would be good maybe a ending solo or something of the like. Especially as I found it starts to get a little samey so putting a ending solo or some kind of different rhythm and lead figure at the end would get rid of that and then I can't really fault it.
#5
Quote by semitone36
Haha thanks dude. I dunno if Im good enough to be in a band yet but Ill work on it.

You pretty much read my mind on the solo. I want to put a solo after it but ive never written one and not really sure where to start...


Hey cool song, Is it really your first? I don't believe you, sorry.

Ok I'm gonna start near the end of the song whit my crit, the ending needs a solo. When I'm trying to right a solo, I simply set up my recording gear, play the few bars before the solo is gonna come in and just 'feel the song' and improvise, make sure you record it so you can isolate the good parts of the solo, later.

Ok, I didn't really like the bass, I like to try and make each track sound good on its own as well as with the other instruments. In bars 5-16, Whatever your calling that part you could try playing this instead. (All Sixteenth notes), for the next bars just move the chord shape up a few frets.

[font="Courier New"]
[size="4"]F|-----------14----------14----------14----------14-|
C|-----14----------14----------14----------14-------|
G|--12----12----12----12----12----12----12----12----|
C|--------------------------------------------------|[/SIZE]
[/FONT]


Sorry I don't mean to try and take over the song, it's just a suggestion, I mean its the bass that I feel is letting the song down a little.

The 'Choir Aahs' sound really good along with the rhythm guitar, Not sure how you want that to sound when you record it though.

Ugh.. I cant think Of anything else, sorry. Anyway great work, I also wanna see some lyrics. Keep at it.

Can you crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1085197
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#6
I'll just start off saying I'm not 100% sure what a black metal song usually sounds like, but ill try my best to help since you helped me.

The intro sounds great with the guitar just by itself, and as soon as the band starts the mood is intensified. The tubular bells sound amazing as well. Very nice touch.
I have to agree with julz about the bass. Maybe try making the bass part a bit more involved or complex. I think that'll just put the finishing touch on the band.
Also with the ending if you added a guitar solo at bar 53 and just ended with a bang it would finish the song nicely in my opinion. The easiest way to write a solo is just to play along to the guitar pro track and record everything you play, then try and tab out all the parts you liked.
Overall very nice song, especially if its your 1st.
#7
Hey thanks for the crit, and I'm sorry it took so long to return it. I got caught up in school.

First things first, I see that the intro is played entirely in triplets. That makes for awkward tabbing. It would be easier to put the time signature in 3/4ths timing and play them as regular notes instead of triplets. You'd have to adjust the tempo and rewrite the intro, but it makes it cleaner. However, this makes no difference in the actual song, I am just very OCD with these things.

The beginning kinda reminded me of Back in Black but then the intro progressed and it started to sound really cool. Great use of the synths. Subtle, yet convincing.

Liked the part with the 9/8 time signature. It flowed very nicely, and felt natural.

Overall it seems very nice and well written, but yeah, you do need to add on a little more to it. I'm attaching your song into my post, I added four more bars at the end to give you a good lead into something else. It repeats the last riff, but has a little bit of harmonized riffing in it, and ends with some mighty powerchords that make it sound like the song is gearing up to take another turn. I suggest that after the part I wrote, keep the basic melody that I wrote on the rhythm guitar and make a nice lead with the lead guitar, then maybe repeat the chorus and go into an interlude or something.

Let me know if this helps
Attachments:
A_red_moon_rises_ver_jet.gp4
#8
The opening was kind of awkward to me. But after everything else kicked in I was really feeling it. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for Melodic/Symphonic Black Metal but I was loving the keyboards. I also liked the guitars a lot especially your leads. Being a bassist I was able to appreciate the parts where you had the bass playing alone really melodically. The drums reminded a lot Dissection and the whole keyboard and guitars had an Illnath type feel to it. My only real complain about this song is that I felt the guitar sound wasn't thick enough, but seeing as it is Melodic Black Metal that probably isn't the focus. I also would have liked a nice mellow melodic solo similar to the one Dimmu Borgir did on A succubus in Rapture. But overall, this is a really nice song. Keep it up.
I realized I was god when I prayed and saw that I was talking to myself.
#9
This is some great Black Metal! As said before, i love the way you used the synths, it just adds that much more. The progressions you used where very tasteful as well, nothing too over the top but deffinatly complimented the emotion in the song. I would love to hear this studio recorded. Keep us updated about this and your other songs, PLEASE.
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#10
I'm gonna go ahead and crit as I listen, and thank you for the crit on my Progressive Piece

Opening: Reminds me of something classical until the drums and everything kick in. Maybe make the drums transition better? Or have a kinda 'BOOM' effect when they come in. Try a reverse cymbal on the measure. When the rhythm switches on the second guitar and drums, it kinda loses it's pace? Maybe have the drums up the double bass?

Tansition: I LOVE the melody in the bells and guitar. I adore it. Sound supremely black metal. When the double bass picks up, it's just so amazing I love that part. I think you should give the bass a more prominent role at that point.

Prechorus: I like how you went back to the transition. let's see how it works.

Chorus: Sounds very video gamey to me. The melody could be a little more different, but it's ok. I think the bass should do more than just root notes when it's just bass by itself. Like, maybe a melody using the chord progression? Try using the Warm synth pad as backing for it and use some weird chords. It has a very 'open' sound to it in my opinion.

Overall, for a first song it's definitely not bad! Far from even if it wasn't your first! It needs more variety in my opinion, a more varied bass, and maybe a different chord progression in the next part? Maybe go for a darker sound in the next section using some forced harmony, or something more varied from everything else. Add a verse?

I give it an 8.5/10. VERY good first song. I'll be looking for more for you ;]

EDIT: And a good way to get ideas, is to listen to a wide variety of music, or listen to someone else's work and find what you like from it and take it and change it enough to where people won't recognize it too much.
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Mar 17, 2009,
#11
I think the transtion/pre-chorus main melody which is in the synth voice is very good, you could try mimicking it with high speed very distorted guitars but have them playing quieter. Also im not sure if you want that part to be a voice or just a synth but i would keep it a synth and have proper black metal style screaming over it, it would just fit the atmosphere.

Where youve stopped youve left a bass playing some notes, you could try and make the song die down a bit- add some acoustic and some synth. Then slowly get it up again using tons of dissonance, create some tension and then finally relieve it with a big climax.

I dont think a solo would fit to be honest.
#12
hey bro thanks for criting my song. ok well the first thing is your intro is the pretty much exact same riff from thunder struck. but the second riff is ausm. im not really going to coment much on the song itself, allthough i will say its pretty cool and will be really good once recorded. as a black metal song i think you sould make it abit more atmospheric. its getting there. as for where it should go next ive dont at litle think for ya. its not much abut it should get ur mind thinking about what u you could go to next. i hope that helps in one way or another. wicked title btw
Attachments:
A_red_moon_rises bens edit.zip
#14
I like the classical tremolo picking intro. I like the Choirs of the song. It makes it sound very dark and gloomy. The syn voice just sounds so right in "transition" because it goes so well with everything. The riff that starts at bar 25 sounds alright and fits very well. Personally, I thought that the prechorus sounded way better than the chorus. Maybe make the chorus more epic than the prechorus? Overall, I love the song and there isn't anything I would really change. BTW, is bar 56 the end of the song?


My piece is in my signature for C4C.
#15
Hahaha how many people here will lose respect for me if I were to say that I had never heard of Thunderstruck until BKGMorley told me my intro sounded like it? ...Ive never been much of an AC/DC fan.

Anyways thanks for the crits guys Ill try to get to your songs probably tomorrow or the next day, Im a little busy at the moment.

Something I did want to mention though - has anyone noticed that I have lyrics tabbed into the vocals track during the chorus? Im surprised no one has mentioned anything about them yet. They were (also) my first attempt at writing lyrics so Id be curious to know if they are any good.
#16
Sorry for the late response!

When I heard the intro I thought I was in for a neo-classical/shred sort of thing, but fortunately I was proved wrong. I liked the woodsy feel, it reminded me of Emperor. I didn't particularly care for the sudden appearing and disappearing of the rhythm guitar, but I liked the main theme. Speaking of the main theme, I'd wait a bit longer before going back to it. Perhaps a different bridge in the current endings place?

Keep it up, I want to see where you go with this.
#17
Sorry it took so long to get my critique of your piece up.
Anyways.

-Interesting intro. Builds nicely into a fuller sound. The only thing I don't really like is some of the drumming, the toms at bars 13-16.
-Transition is quite good, I really like the synth tracks. Very good melody, my favorite part of the song.
-Good chorus, though could probably use some more rhythmic variation for the lead guitar? Props for the 9/8 time though, it felt very smooth and natural.
-The transition to the bass only part seemed kind of abrupt, and the bassline should be something more interesting if its going to stand on its own.
-The bit after that could really explode into an epic solo or something, or as ironmaiden1 said, "Where youve stopped youve left a bass playing some notes, you could try and make the song die down a bit- add some acoustic and some synth. Then slowly get it up again using tons of dissonance, create some tension and then finally relieve it with a big climax."

You should probably make the guitar tracks stronger and maybe more prominent, it would certainly help.
Keep working at it, you've got some great promise with this piece. I'm interested to see how this turns out, definitely keep at it!
#18
that was really good. The intro with the choir aahs really helps build up. Some pretty good lyrics where there were any. Liked the 9/8 chorus. Maybe spice up the bassline where it goes solo. The ending there seems to build up to something. I would add a nice little breakdown, bu thats just my opinion. The song sounds like it could still go pretty far after that. I'd also like to see some lyrics for this

nice job. 8/10