#1
I'm in the mood for a laugh so lets hear your favorite clean jokes.

Here's one

A new teacher is anxious to put her psychology train to work.
On the first day of work she asks her students "how many of you think your stupid"
After a few seconds Johny stands up.
"Johny you think your stupid?" asks the teacher.
"No M'am, he replies. " I just didn't want to see you standing up their all by yourself."
#2
How many babies does it take to paint a wall??

Depends how hard you throw them!!

wut?
sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#3
Quote by MangoStarr
How many babies does it take to paint a wall??

Depends how hard you throw them!!

wut?



That isn't clean! That would clearly make a mess!
Sail upon the open skies
#6
so madeline mccain enters a bar...oh wait clean

why did the turtle cross the road?

to **** the shoe
Quote by dragoo-mon
+1 to carcass255, he knows funk will lead the way


Quote by DimebagLivesOn
Pies? You're the drunk one!
#7
just imagine cow tipping lol that's all i cant think of
Ibanez sz720fm,Ibbly RG350DX, Custom Tele-> Dunlop 535Q->RAT Pro co II-> Ibanez Fuzz->Marshall Haze 40.
Tascam US-800 and a hand full of Mics into Nedundo 4

my music, new recording on the way in 2014

[B]insert witty italicized quote here
#8
Quote by MangoStarr
How many babies does it take to paint a wall??

Depends how hard you throw them!!

wut?


I hope you endure hours excruciating pain in the following days.

Bodacious Bob

Schecter Omen 7 Extreme
Ibanez RGR08LTD BK
Behringer TU-100
EHX Metal Muff
Boss MT-2
GLX EQ-100
Marshall VS15


Quote by tpot06
Bodacious bob wins all.
#9
You guys might enjoy this one its a Fairy Tale

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or
bitch.

But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

The end
#10
Whats E.T short for?


Cause he's got small legs!


When I heard that on the radio, I didn't know whether to laugh or just think "...wut?
#11
Little girl in the garden with her Dad asks "Is that a mummy longlegs underneath the daddy longlegs?" Dad says "no sweety, there are no mummy longlegs, only daddy longlegs"
Dad feels very proud of her inquisitive mind until she stamps on them both saying "we’ll have none of that gay shit in our fuckin' garden!"
#13
k, this is not a joke, it's a question: Would you rather have sex with Zac Efron with a yeast infection, or Robert Pattinson with HIV. No answer is wrong, just want your opinion.


...wut the heck?
How bout' no you crazy Dutch Bastard!


You live in the middle of nowhere? THEN BLOW **** UP!



Pretty Heavy and thick??...Sounds like a wasp fucking an Exhaust pipe...Its Rubbish!
Last edited by Beam Sword0 at Mar 12, 2009,
#14
Quote by angusfan16
That isn't clean! That would clearly make a mess!

I think this man will disagree with you.

sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#15
Quote by muse_
Studies show that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Similar studies showed that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

But, for a clean joke:

Two fat guys sitting in a pub. One says to the other
"Your round"
The other one replies
"So are you, you fat bastard"
FALKIRK

We'll win something someday

Quote by Minkaro
Falkirk is the home of runners up.

Check out my Tunes
#16
Quote by carcass255
so madeline mccain enters a bar...oh wait clean

why did the turtle cross the road?

to **** the shoe

That was not clean at all. But I laughed.

Chuck norris does not have a CTRL button on his computer, Because chuck norris is always in control.
#17
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
That was not clean at all. But I laughed.

Chuck norris does not have a CTRL button on his computer, Because chuck norris is always in control.

Nor an escape, or alt button... Because there is no escape with chuck norris.. and only one alternative
sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#18
Quote by Retro Rocker
Little girl in the garden with her Dad asks "Is that a mummy longlegs underneath the daddy longlegs?" Dad says "no sweety, there are no mummy longlegs, only daddy longlegs"
Dad feels very proud of her inquisitive mind until she stamps on them both saying "we’ll have none of that gay shit in our fuckin' garden!"


My Musical attempts

My youtube music channel

Quote by TOMMYB22
Dammit, beaten to it, and by someone with the same name

CURSE YOU TOMMYT!!!!!!!!!!!!


Quote by daeqwon10000
I hate tommyt and the high horse which he rides upon
#19
So I saw this fat woman walking down the street struggling to carry all her groceries. I thought to myself, what would jesus do? I told her Gluttony was a sin.
It's Ok, I'm a Doctor
T-T
(In Obviousness)



Quote by Irishstang_87
Good god, you're a Twilight fan. What are you doing in a scientific discussion?


Quote by Thewickerman666
I just watched a turtle rape a shoe, and must admit I slightly enjoyed it.

I feel dirty
#20
Quote by MangoStarr
I think this man will disagree with you.



I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE
#21
Lol @ everyone posting non-clean jokes.


In my restless dreams...
I see that town.
Silent Hill.
You promised you'd take me there again someday.
But you never did.

Well, I'm alone there now.
In our 'special place'...
Waiting for you.

#22
Quote by SMH07
Whats E.T short for?


Cause he's got small legs!


When I heard that on the radio, I didn't know whether to laugh or just think "...wut?



i like this one.
#23
Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

EDIT: random88, FFFFFUUUUUUUUUU

Ok, so a dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Last edited by Just_Matt at Mar 12, 2009,
#24
Quote by MangoStarr
Nor an escape, or alt button... Because there is no escape with chuck norris.. and only one alternative

LOL I haven't heard that.

But how does he log out???
#25
A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his d***. Well the tattoo artist laughs and says "I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it."

The guy thinks for a second and says. "Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100.
#26
Quote by Streetking07
A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his d***. Well the tattoo artist laughs and says "I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it."

The guy thinks for a second and says. "Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100.

This is the only one I actually lol'd at...haha
#27
time for some chuck norris

-chuck norris indeed did build rome in a day
-chuck norris can slam a revolving door
-chuck norris can divide by zero
-When chuck norris does a pushup he doesn't push up, he pushes the earth down
-

how bout obama

-if obama was the captain of the titanic, he would be yelling for more ice
-whats the difference between obama & simba, simbas a african lion, obamas a lying african that ones kinda bad

one i knew since i was little

an usher at a wedding was supposed to say "sir, may i show you to your seat", but he got so nervous he said "sir, may i sew you to a sheet"........ it sucks
MIM Tele
Fender Blues Jr NOS
Schecter Omen 6
Squier Strat
Greg Bennett Acoustic
other crap...
If seeing is believing...

...Then believe that we have lost our eyes!!
#30
yes, you killed her. she had it coming, she wasn't cleaning, sexing, or in the kitchen.
It's Ok, I'm a Doctor
T-T
(In Obviousness)



Quote by Irishstang_87
Good god, you're a Twilight fan. What are you doing in a scientific discussion?


Quote by Thewickerman666
I just watched a turtle rape a shoe, and must admit I slightly enjoyed it.

I feel dirty
#31
a man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a good drink. the bartender suggests a grasshopper, and the man enjoys it.
on the walk home, the man runs into a grasshopper. surprised at the coincidence, the man asks the grasshopper, "say, did you know there's a drink named after you?"
so the grasshopper says, "there's a drink named Irving?"


so which one of you girls wants to lose their virginity?
Last edited by Glen'sHeroicAct at Mar 12, 2009,
#32
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Quote by fatgraymatt
I love metal but death metal's just a bit too much for me. The most I can get into is serious-illness metal.
Quote by birdman267
schmidty,
I care
Quote by GuyWhoDoesStuff
If I had an axe that could make well formed vaginas I would go out a lot less.