#1
Harmonies end
----------------------------
There's a peaceful world here…

no one seems to care.

For what they see is just a violent flare

Careless enough are the people's heirs

For what they do is just a waste for you to even stare

At their stupid tries to control the world and it's lies

That can only be forgiven by god himself



Oh can't you see the damage done by those who

Make the world go wrong

For it is at harmonies end

A corrupted mind, a corrupted soul, a corrupted body,

A corrupted goal

A goal that can't be done for it is at harmonies end

The world is gone in the eyes of god

For it is I who will show you what's wrong

The world will be at peace when they are gone

For they are the ones who made the world so damn wrong



Peace is a vision that only god can bring for it is time

The time has come for it is at harmonies end



A corrupted mind, a corrupted soul, a corrupted body,

A corrupted goal.

A goal that can't be done for it is at harmonies end…


-----------------------------------

what do ya think?
i've got a boner for murder
#2
this is very different
there are some awkward parts in my opinion, and some of it feels a little preachy
but overall it's very good
maybe try to focus it a little more
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#4
yeah. guess what man, no one likes hearing lyrics that tell them how to live.
im an atheist, and even cursive's last two albums (which were very anti-religion) pissed me off

i thought it was roughly written, but promising with some revision, until i read "that can only be forgiven by god himself". then i lost interest completely
express yourself without becoming pedantic, and this might be worth something
~b


ChordEdit: its also very repetitive. the 'harmony's end' bit gets trite, and most of the rhymes feel forced
Last edited by ChordMonger at Mar 13, 2009,
#5
that's harsh. let the man/woman think what they want
his comments on the actual lyrics and not their subject matter are spot on however
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#6
Quote by ChordMonger
yeah. guess what man, no one likes hearing lyrics that tell them how to live.
im an atheist, and even cursive's last two albums (which were very anti-religion) pissed me off

i thought it was roughly written, but promising with some revision, until i read "that can only be forgiven by god himself". then i lost interest completely
express yourself without becoming pedantic, and this might be worth something
~b


ChordEdit: its also very repetitive. the 'harmony's end' bit gets trite, and most of the rhymes feel forced


About ten words were good in that whole post that you made. People have opinions, and the fact that you belittle others by making an opinion and expecting them to completely throw away their own is ridiculous.

Decent song, it just seemed too repetitive though. And I couldn't see how you'd put music to it, for that matter.
#7
Quote by punkforlife93
About ten words were good in that whole post that you made. People have opinions, and the fact that you belittle others by making an opinion and expecting them to completely throw away their own is ridiculous.

Decent song, it just seemed too repetitive though. And I couldn't see how you'd put music to it, for that matter.


yea i knw. i was thinking about that too. idk how to put it in a song/lol.
i've got a boner for murder
#8
Quote by punkforlife93
About ten words were good in that whole post that you made. People have opinions, and the fact that you belittle others by making an opinion and expecting them to completely throw away their own is ridiculous.

Decent song, it just seemed too repetitive though. And I couldn't see how you'd put music to it, for that matter.


so in order to prove that i'm being overzealous in my criticism you decided to do the same to me? that's a watertight argument if i've ever heard one
either way, i made a valid point- his opinion is harsh and preachy. that can EASILY rub a reader the wrong way, as it did me. I thought it was prudent to make OP aware that oftentimes such pedagogy creates a disconnect and a lack of interest for the intended audience, the same way a lot of punk music does [e.g. 'straight edge' by Minor Threat]. Call it constructive criticism. Call it hypocrisy. I don't really care how you feel about my comments. They were intended for the author of the poem, not you.
~b