#1
This is a song entitled Pain like Opium, it is Melodic Gothic/Doom Metal in the vein of middle period My Dying Bride and Paradise Lost.

I would really appreciate any and all creative criticism and I shall return such criticism if I should be given a song to crit.

Thanks in Advance.
Attachments:
Pain like Opium.gp5
Pain like Opium.gp4
I realized I was god when I prayed and saw that I was talking to myself.
Last edited by VengeanceIsMine at Mar 15, 2009,
#2
well I think haven't listen melodic doom metal so my opinion could be somehow wrong hehe. To be honest i didn`t like so much the verse and the chorus but maybe is because I`m not used to music like that. I really like the interlude but the repetition form the bar 21 to 24 could be set to 2 repetitions instead of 4. Anyway it's totally different listening to a song in gp but i think i get the idea.


PS: Could you give me the names of melodic doom metal bands to listen, Thanx
#3
Hi! I love all things doom, so I checked the song out.
It definetly has potential, and there are spots that'll really shine with some development, but as of now it still feels somewhat unpolished/unfinished.

For example, take the drum rhythm ? Was it a conscious decision to include almost no cymbals at all ? If so, ballsy move. If you like it, keep it, but personally I think some hihats etc. would really help the pace of the piece (after all, there's a good reason they're in standart drumbeats).

The opening riff kinda reminds me of Forgotten Tomb's - Disheartenment in a good way, and this might give you some inspiration as for how to further develop that theme. Btw, it's in 6/8 meter, it might help you to annotate it like that ?

Chorus was nice. I -wish- (just personal preference, disregard if you like the way it sounds) if you played out more to the strenght of that melodic idea -> The linear melodicity evokes abit the great old Katatonia, so it might enhance the impact of this idea if you applied a more straightforward 4/4 beat, and just let the chords drone on the 8th notes, you know, just as Katatonia marched through their songs. If nothing else, it would at least serve as an appreciated dynamic variation from the previous beat (keeping the dynamics interesting is one of the most crucial factors in successful doom metal).

Didn't really care much for the acoustic interlude. It wasn't bad in any way, it just didn't have much impact, as the progression and melody was fairly predictable and kinda pedestrian. A more proficient use of space and release, or some instrument gimmick might draw me in here more. The more epic cascade that followed in bar 21 etc. was nice, in contrast, but the drumbeat kinda ruined it. Possible suggestion, go easier on the constant 8th note bass drum... how about keeping it simple to a barebones level, crash on all 4s, bass on 1, snare on 3. Voila, doom excellence.
I appreciate the inclusion of the solo, Its feeling might not fit the previous doom-y mood too well. This is again just a matter of personal taste, but I think just making a short (but meaningful) melodic statement here would work more to your advantage. Most people already have an attention-deficit problem with doom, it doesn't help them to further stretch the piece with noodling that doesn't really feel as if it goes somewhere particular.
And the switch back to the last verse (again, in 6/8) felt a bit disjointed and kicked me out of the piece for a second (a shame, since verse and chorus are its strongest elements). Might want to prepare that move a bit more cleanly ?


PS: Could you give me the names of melodic doom metal bands to listen, Thanx


Depends, as there is "melodic doom" in the 'classic' sense that Candlemass brought to the scene, Solitude Aeternus is another standart pick in that feel, and then there's 'melodic' doom that came out of the deathmetal realm, obviously with growls instead of the clean vocals of the former. The "peaceville three" (Paradise Lost, My Dying Bride, Anathema) can give you a nice expose in that subcategory of the style, as do the godly older Katatonia.
And there's of course many more, but oh well.. If you want some specific record suggestions, no prob.

If you get just one album to try to get a feel for melodic doom, try listening to Warning's "Watching from a Distance". It single-handedly redeems the genre to all doubters, so if you don't like it, chances are the rest of doom may also not be your cup altogether.
#4
Quote by Ailes
Hi! I love all things doom, so I checked the song out.
It definetly has potential, and there are spots that'll really shine with some development, but as of now it still feels somewhat unpolished/unfinished.

For example, take the drum rhythm ? Was it a conscious decision to include almost no cymbals at all ? If so, ballsy move. If you like it, keep it, but personally I think some hihats etc. would really help the pace of the piece (after all, there's a good reason they're in standart drumbeats).

The opening riff kinda reminds me of Forgotten Tomb's - Disheartenment in a good way, and this might give you some inspiration as for how to further develop that theme. Btw, it's in 6/8 meter, it might help you to annotate it like that ?

Chorus was nice. I -wish- (just personal preference, disregard if you like the way it sounds) if you played out more to the strenght of that melodic idea -> The linear melodicity evokes abit the great old Katatonia, so it might enhance the impact of this idea if you applied a more straightforward 4/4 beat, and just let the chords drone on the 8th notes, you know, just as Katatonia marched through their songs. If nothing else, it would at least serve as an appreciated dynamic variation from the previous beat (keeping the dynamics interesting is one of the most crucial factors in successful doom metal).

Didn't really care much for the acoustic interlude. It wasn't bad in any way, it just didn't have much impact, as the progression and melody was fairly predictable and kinda pedestrian. A more proficient use of space and release, or some instrument gimmick might draw me in here more. The more epic cascade that followed in bar 21 etc. was nice, in contrast, but the drumbeat kinda ruined it. Possible suggestion, go easier on the constant 8th note bass drum... how about keeping it simple to a barebones level, crash on all 4s, bass on 1, snare on 3. Voila, doom excellence.
I appreciate the inclusion of the solo, Its feeling might not fit the previous doom-y mood too well. This is again just a matter of personal taste, but I think just making a short (but meaningful) melodic statement here would work more to your advantage. Most people already have an attention-deficit problem with doom, it doesn't help them to further stretch the piece with noodling that doesn't really feel as if it goes somewhere particular.
And the switch back to the last verse (again, in 6/8) felt a bit disjointed and kicked me out of the piece for a second (a shame, since verse and chorus are its strongest elements). Might want to prepare that move a bit more cleanly ?

The drum parts are not finished, it's very likely that when the song is done these drum parts will have changed. Also, the drums very closely follow the riffs that's why there are no cymbals. Overall, I just wrote the drum parts to give my a drummer an idea.

The I originally began writing was Depressive Black Metal but what I got was something totally different. I guess Melodic Gothic Metal with some Doom elements is what best describes this awkward concoction of mine.

Its also very likely that I will exclude the acoustic part, and the solo as well and instead as some sort of riff there.
I realized I was god when I prayed and saw that I was talking to myself.
#5
petty good man

for recommendations of doom metal bands... Swallow the Sun and Novembers Doom all the way
My Band =]
We play some goffic pish
Its fun

Leave us a comment, we'll get back to you =]
#6
I ****ing love the verse riffs. In my head, I can totally tell this is a D\doom metal song. I would imagine Lee Dorrian singing the verse riffs because it is so... mellow and doomy. I probably can listen to the verse riffs for hours lol. I can't say much about the chorus because its pretty much the same thing to the verse. I thought your interlude was just beautiful. I love the melodiousness of it. Even though, the rhythm riffs were bland, I think it fits the song pretty well. After listening to the solo and the whole song, it kinda gave off a happy doom feel or a mix of happiness and sorrow? The only real thing I had a problem with is the transition between the solo and verse III. Great song BTW

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1087417 C4C?
Last edited by The Arsis at Mar 14, 2009,
#7
Alright. First thoughts: good melody, good feel and good emotion. I really liked the chorus, definitely my favorite part of the song.

Some issues thought are that it is VERY repetitive. The song is made of pretty much 3 main riffs that you just put in a loop 4 times in a row. After the first two riffs I found myself just skipping ahead to the next riff.

Another is that the song is pretty much all eighth notes, add in some faster/slower notes to change it up a little and make it more interesting. Unless, of course, you are planning on putting all of the song's focus on some unique lyrics and have everything else just be in the background.

Lastly, I felt like the song was building up to something dramatic the entire time but it was never delivered. The chorus was good, but it didnt have the "punched in the face" kick that I was expecting throughout the song.

All in all, I think it has potential, but you might want to think about the things I listed above. 5/10.

Since I critiqued yours, how about taking a look at mine? It has a doomy metal feel to it that you might like.