#1
the habitat; caught by the wrist
and led into the black.

flick a match, let the light catch
the corners. in the nooks the paint
is cracked, clawed at with nails.

the dark - in hiding from the flame.
camouflage, like a spider dolling up
like a snake; the scuttlers get you
jumpy, the slithers seem too slow.

smell of old breath, and swinging
the lit wick three-sixty bones scatter
the floor. blood-smeared letters -
be sure to check soles are clean.

you wouldn't want to stain her carpet.
#2
Quote by Jammydude44
the habitat; caught by the wrist
and led into the black.
Opening was freakin' awesome, no complaints at all man.

flick a match, let the light catch
the corners. in the nooks the paint
is cracked, clawed at with nails.
I know you've structured this around the rhyme in the first line, but I'd add a semicolon after a match, then insert a line break and have "let the light catch the corners" all on one line. IMO, it reads better like that.

the dark - in hiding from the flame.
camouflage, like a spider dolling up
like a snake; the scuttlers get you
jumpy, the slithers seem too slow.
"like a spider" and "like a snake" were too similar, it was too repetitive. I'd rephrase one of these phrases. I have no problems with the rest, although the first line wasn't really anything special.

smell of old breath, and swinging
the lit wick three-sixty bones scatter
the floor. blood-smeared letters -
be sure to check soles are clean.
This whole stanza was too jumpy. The atmosphere created by the first two lines was good. Then "blood-smeared letters" seemed like you'd jumped off somewhere else, and "be sure to check soles are clean" seemed like you'd gone off somewhere yet again. I'd consider rephrasing it, or lengthetning it and splitting it up into several parts.

you wouldn't want to stain her carpet.
Ending was pretty damn good! Overall I really, did like this man, it read brilliantly, one of the better pieces I've read from you. I've been quite nitpicky, to be honest, but I'd really love to see this with some of my suggestions taken into account!


c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1084902