#1
Hey crit it please
i just wrote it on the spot a few seconds ago, and was wondering if i should keep it, i need some crits, its in a rockabilly/grunge style so crit sincerely thanks

I WENT TO THE SEA,
TO SE-WHAT-I COULD SEE
A BOUGHT A BIRD
TO TEACH-ME-HOW TO SING
A GOT A DOOR
TO HEAR-THE-DOOR BELL RING
I BOUGHT A CLOVER
TO MAKE-MY-LIES COME OVER

IT WAS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE
THE THINGS THAT SIT BEFORE MY EYES
IT WAS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE
THE-WAY-I-MEMORIZED MY LIES
THE-WAY-I-MEMORIZED-MY LIES
IT WAS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE

I GOT A MAIL-ORDER-BRIDE
AND WONDERED IF SHE STAY BY MY SIDE
I GOT-A-PACKAGE OF FAKE TEARS
I KNOW THEY WONT LAST, SO CHEERS
THEY SAY, DONT ADD NO FUEL
TO A BURNING FIER, OH-O-O-OH-O

IT TOOK MY BY SUPRISE

THE GREAT
BLESSING IN DISGUESE
THE THINGS THAT WE DONT FORGET
ARE LIES
I GUESS THAT MEANS
THERE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE
I GUESS THAT MEANS
ILL HAVE TO CHECK MY EYES
TO SEE IF IT WAS ALL JUST A BLESSING
IN DISGUISE!

YESTERDAY, I WOKE UP AT FOUR
TO SEE WHOS OUT THE DOOR
tODAY, I WOEK UP AT FIVE
TO SEE IF I WAS AL-IVE
A WEEK AGO I WENT TO BED AT EIGHT
TO HELP ME APPRECIATE
T-I-IEM OH-OH

IN PRE-SCHOOL I DRANK MY CUP OF COFFEE
NOW IM SIPPIN, FROM MY SIPPY CUP
THINKING ITS JUST LUCK

THE BLESSING IN DISG-I-EY-I-EY-EYES
THE BLESSING IN dISGIUSE
HAS BEEN HIDING ALL THIS TI-EY-I-I-IEM
SO GO AND FIND IT
#2
Im going to be very honest, it needs a little bit of work, and your rhyming is very forced. Remember that every line doesnt have to rhyme. Also Im not a big fan of the repeative lines but thats just me if you dont mind criting my newest piece Realm of Forever I would appericate it, theres a link in my sig