#1
A Dream Within A Dream

Just made this today, which is why its so choppy and random at some places. I just need some feedback on the general feel and maybe some help with the chorus (which I really don't like). There's no bass yet, I will make some if you guys feel I really need it. Vocals are screamed.

3 - Unfinished
Me and a friend made this one a week ago. Again one of my huge problems is choppiness. I just don't really have any idea where I can go from here. Another riff? Breakdown? Thanks in advance for the help.
(Its called 3 for the moment because its the 3rd song we've made)


C4C ofc, just leave a link
Attachments:
A Dream Within A Dream.gp5
A Dream Within A Dream.gp4
3.gp5
3.gp4
#2
A Dream Within A Dream is very good, but it needs bass. It all fits together fairly well, and I liked the last minute or so.

3: I liked the intro, but I didn't like the chords in the Dissonance part.
Starting at measure 50 or so, this song began to shine, and I really liked it.
#3
dream within a dream was good. it had a good melodic vibe at points, and points where it sounded pretty brutal. it reminded me of the devil wears prada.

you definately need to add bass in there. gives it a foundation, even if its just straight 8th notes. it makes it feel more full.

and i think you should go full out metalcore in between measure 64 and 65 for like a bridge, then transition into the next riff.

what you have really is amazing, but if you add the stuff above, it can be that much better.
#5
Quote by AStandardToaste
A Dream Within A Dream is very good, but it needs bass. It all fits together fairly well, and I liked the last minute or so.

3: I liked the intro, but I didn't like the chords in the Dissonance part.
Starting at measure 50 or so, this song began to shine, and I really liked it.


Dissonance sounds better with a real guitar, but I get what you mean. Thanks!

Quote by ninja.kitty
dream within a dream was good. it had a good melodic vibe at points, and points where it sounded pretty brutal. it reminded me of the devil wears prada.

you definately need to add bass in there. gives it a foundation, even if its just straight 8th notes. it makes it feel more full.

and i think you should go full out metalcore in between measure 64 and 65 for like a bridge, then transition into the next riff.

what you have really is amazing, but if you add the stuff above, it can be that much better.


Thanks a lot! Yeah I was looking for ideas on how to meld it together better and bars 64-65 was one of the spots I was thinking about. I always seem to write metalcore styled stuff even though I try not to.


Quote by Brian 1.0
Dude a dream within a dream was great, I wouldn't touch anything of that except add bass.

3 was good until the sudden ending. needs to be much longer

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1088326


Will do And I'm listening to your song right now, posting crit in a sec.
#7
Quote by ninja.kitty
no problem man

could you check out my song?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1089105


I'll get on it right now

EDIT: I should actually be getting to sleep, but I will crit it as soon as I get back from school tommorow. This should work out for you because I'll be giving it a nice bump with my crit
Last edited by FelixJZ at Mar 17, 2009,