#1
in the night i thought of you
i asked you to tell me what to do
you gave no answer but just a kiss
this dream come true is what i wish
why i think of you when i have another
the things i feel for you make me shutter

whats wrong with me
this is not to be
why cant i just let go
this feeling to pass i hope

what you think of me ill never know
weve drifted far apart sometime ago
is this one big mistake
when its not your hand i take
i feel im doing her wrong
but the chance of us is gone

whats wrong with me
this is just not to be
why cant i just let you go
this feeling to pass i hope

as the night grows old
i wake and feel so cold
since i now have her
my love for you is gone for sure
never can we be, for the sake of me
i myst stop the thought of me and you
so i say goodbye, and wish the best for you
#4
thanks, ill keep that in mind, i just usually keep rhyming if i start, its some weird habbit
#5
ok, so i had a look at it, and changed a few things around, let me know what you think, maybe i shouldnt change this line over that? let me know

in the night i thought of you
i asked you to tell me what we are
you gave no answer but just a kiss
this dream come true i can only hope
why i think of you when i have someone else
the things i feel for you make me shutter

whats wrong with me
this is not to be
why cant i just let go
this feeling to pass i hope

what you think of me ill never know
weve drifted far apart since we last talked
is this one big mistake
when its not your hand i hold
i feel im doing her wrong
but the chance of us will never be

oh, whats wrong with me
this is just not to be
why cant i just let you go
this feeling to pass i hope

as the dawn approaches
i wake and feel so cold
since i now have her
my love for you is gone
never can we be, for the sake of me
i must stop the thought us
so i say goodbye, and wish the best for you
#6
This seems to be for a different type of music than I am used to listening to and playing...But I have to say the lyrics of this song lack substance. There doesn't seem to be a personal touch and it seems very cut-and-paste bullet for my valentine kind of stuff. The song is also riddled with grammatical mistakes which is not something I like to see in lyrics but something most people probably don't care about. I think if you spent more time and dug deeper into exactly the way you think, the way you hear yourself talking in your head, you'll come up with much better lyrics. When I write, whether it be lyrics or a creative writing piece or an essay, I always listen to instrumental music. That might help.

Please note that most of this is just my personal artistic opinion. I guarantee you there are people out there who would eat this up if it is put to the right music, its just not my scene.
#7
cheers for the criticism, i dont really listen to bullet for my valentine, so i wouldnt know what they sound like. these were only rough drafts ill probably keep looking over it abit more