Well I was writing this and I'm stuck, also I have no idea how to write drums, mine are terrible. Any suggestions on where to go from here would be really appreciated!
Quote by ohnoitishorribl
Yes our Lead guitarist can play it, idk about our Rhythm Guitarist... =/

I call bullshit. Provide a form of proof or don't waste our time.

- the song obviously is in droptuning. So change the GP-tuning accordingly, else it kinda bites in the sound. Tune the lowest note to G, for example, or use a slightly more conventional/non-muddled tuning like drop-c etc...

- Structure: Use a strong intro riff. The riff you currently have would bounce a lot more if you speed it up a couple notches and lay some thrashy 8thnote drumpattern underneath it. Stay fast for a while before you (bore?) the listener with the inevitable breakdown mishmash..

- cut out the 32th sweeps/trills/etc. : It's great that you can play such things, but in this context here it just sounds silly. And no amount of noodling will save a breakdown that generally goes nowhere. It reeks of 'gimmick' to make up for lacking songwriting.

- writing a simple, enjoyable metal/deathcore song isn't the hardest thing in the world. It can be, depending on how complex you want to make things, but in terms of 'what makes a mosh move', there are just a few easily accessible ingredients. The riff at the beginning for example could be molded into a nice powerful segue into a thrashy part (as I did in my attached suggestion), cue to breakdowns after that, or some melodic part, etc...

- if you're not that quite proficient in composing stuff comfortably in this style, there's no better way of learning (and no substitute for) analyzing the great bands. You can find lots of tabs of your favorite bands on UG and elsewhere, see what makes them work and try to emulate.
The song really started to suck after bar 13. only the 32nd sweeps didn't sound stupid
Quote by MooshMooshMarc
I didnt have anything planned out, and I didn't know **** about improvising, so it was like "OH SHI- SOLO TIME" so I kerry-kinged it.