#1
Meet Johnny.
Now Johnny is lanky and lazy,
doesn't get the women
doesn't get the world
doesn't do much at all
except sit at home and smoke his brothers pot.

There are many theories behind young Johnnies drug use.
The foremost one being
he is trying to hide from the world
behind a weed laden shell
and most of all to forget that damn girl's name.

Personally I think it's those video games,
or the abusive father who
spanked
HIS
CHILDREN!!!
Oh, God for-fuckin-bid
We are products of our genes and environment
and clearly little Johnny can't overcome his harsh shadow of a life.
Poor kid.

When asked about his problem,
Johnny merely laughed and said
and I quote,
"dude, sometimes kids just wanna get high."
#2
Uh.
Maybe U2 wouldn't suck so hard if they stopped preaching and started rocking instead. Of course, that's difficult to do with Pantera holding a near monopoly on all things that rock.
-Maddox.
#3
There are many theories behind young Johnny's drug use (Johnny is supposed to be possesive not plural you silly goose)

There are many theories behind young Johnnies drug use.
The foremost one being
he is trying to hide from the world
behind a weed laden shell
and most of all to forget that damn girl's name.

in this section the most important and the foremost reason is different, but in definition they are the same right?

I don't know if you were going for this, but the lyrics are sort of childish and immature. I think
it would be a good twist if the song was Johnny talking about himself. That would make sense because he is most likely lazy, childish, and immature. If you do this, I would have him state all of these bull**** reasons for why he is the way he is, then at the end he could say something that actually makes sense. What ever he says at the end would show that he isn't really stupid, he just projects that image to avoid expectations, or he just wants to get high. If you decide to go with this idea, I would keep Johnny plural instead of possessive.
#4
Quote by bluesybilly
Meet Johnny.
Now Johnny is lanky and lazy,
doesn't get the women
doesn't get the world
doesn't do much at all
except sit at home and smoke his brothers pot.

good opening, connects the reader with the character early on. the last line seems a little idk, fluffed? maybe if you took out the "at" before "home" might help the flow.

There are many theories behind young Johnnies drug use.
The foremost one being
he is trying to hide from the world
behind a weed laden shell
and most of all to forget that damn girl's name.

this is good, but it kinda lacks that twist you usually give. It connects us with the character even more, but with the same type of characteristics, except the last line, adds a new dimension to him that we all can relate to.

Personally I think it's those video games,
or the abusive father who
spanked
HIS
CHILDREN!!!
Oh, God for-fuckin-bid
We are products of our genes and environment
and clearly little Johnny can't overcome his harsh shadow of a life.
Poor kid.

I liked everything about this stanza. again just adding to character. the first line seems like a filler but I guess it connects with johnny being part of todays youth.

When asked about his problem,
Johnny merely laughed and said
and I quote,
"dude, sometimes kids just wanna get high."



good ending, not spectacular. I liked how it was all kids doing drugs because of some problem they face, and the ending showing the opposite, or a youth denying any problems and how the reader can interpret it either way. Overall a good piece on a debated topic in todays society. But idk, Ive read more then a handful of your work and this just doenst seem like you. Usually by the end if not the start you leave me thinking- wow, fantastic. Sadly this didnt, still good fro what it is though. keep it up.
Outside the side box that's outside your sky box.
#5
I liked it all but the third stanza. It was a bit too conversational/casual IMO.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#6
This blew me away. Really. Usually your pieces are a bit too down n' dirty for me, but I really liked it. The essential anger and cynicism is still pouring out by the boatload, but the tone actually takes that and uses it like a club.
Wow.