#1
A nervous glance in the mirror
Light, gaze beyond soft eyes
But light cannot shine through
The mask of sanity upon
My face which frightens
Me and the consciousness
Which pours from my mind
Like a river of knives

Such a self-indulgent stream
Feeds itself, returns to the source
Now an ocean of fear, lust, and warm blood
And fear, oh fear, which is mine
And yours, and everywhere
Begging never, then never again
Then no more

Our fears grow in unison
With screams, cries, and a clawed face
I watch the puddles gather rain
And fear again for myself

My mind of knives and disoriented meaning
Clings to the frightful similarities, wondering
Of what am I capable?
I answer: Everything
And though this notion comforts me
Half of me smiles back with ambition
While the other, with bloodlust, whistles innocently
And laughs sardonically
With our mouth


As much as I love sharing my poetry on here, I love getting feedback even more, so don't be shy to tell me your thoughts.
#3
Quote by Radical Bob
A nervous glance in the mirror
Light, gaze beyond soft eyes
But light cannot shine through
The mask of sanity upon
My face which frightens
Me and the consciousness
Which pours from my mind
Like a river of knives
i love the imagery, its very poetic. not so much that i cant understand it but not so little that i dont have to think about it.
Such a self-indulgent stream
Feeds itself, returns to the source
Now an ocean of fear, lust, and warm blood
And fear, oh fear, which is mine
And yours, and everywhere
Begging never, then never again
Then no more
the only problem i have with this stanza is the last few lines; they seem very familier im almost certian ive seen them somewhere. but other than that i think this is a strong second stanza.
Our fears grow in unison
With screams, cries, and a clawed face
I watch the puddles gather rain
And fear again for myself
again i like the imagery, and i like how it kind of changes the flow.
My mind of knives and disoriented meaning
Clings to the frightful similarities, wondering
Of what am I capable?
I answer: Everything
And though this notion comforts me
Half of me smiles back with ambition
While the other, with bloodlust, whistles innocently
And laughs sardonically
With our mouth
i like how you brought back the knives, it gives it a sense of wholeness. i also like the last line, its kind of creepy.


As much as I love sharing my poetry on here, I love getting feedback even more, so don't be shy to tell me your thoughts.


overall i liked it alot, its very solid throughout, i especialy liked your metaphores. i hope dont sound like a suckup, i just cant see anything i dont like about it

crit mine if you feel like it but dont think you need to go easy on me
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1088534
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Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .