#1
the sun is glaring down at me, circling me ..
eating my ice cream
"hey, what are you doing with my ice cream?"
no answer came a stern reply.

when i was much younger my parents used to keep me on a leash.
they used to tie me up outside the chemists ..
i would growl at other children.
i was excellent lol. sometimes i would growl so harshly that my throat would start bleeding & then i would laugh!

evidently this is of little use as stagnant information,
i'm a 6'1 caucasian. brown hair, green eyes, slim thighs.
i grow upwards most of the time.
green hair, brown eyes, good size.
my mum used to tell me that i should wear jeans more, but they used to make my bum stick together.
i expressed a preference for novelty ties, girls over guys, silk over leather.
i looked downwards most of the time.

i was a sad child, i'd run wild. skip school & smoke joints.
i smoked heroin in my bathroom. it was expensively tiled.
my conscience was clean & my curries were mild.
i broke the sink once dancing at a party & the penalty wasn't cute.
i used to be so much more than a prostitute
#2
Quote by skagitup
the sun is glaring down at me, circling me ..
eating my ice cream
"hey, what are you doing with my ice cream?"
no answer came a stern reply.

I don't think I've ever read a better introduction to a piece. This made me smile and feel sad at the same time.

when i was much younger my parents used to keep me on a leash.
they used to tie me up outside the chemists ..
i would growl at other children.
i was excellent lol. sometimes i would growl so harshly that my throat would start bleeding & then i would laugh!

I like this and I don't. I lie it because it has personality. I don't because it's all personality and therfor reads weakly. Congratz however for using "lol" in prose/poetry.

evidently this is of little use as stagnant information,
i'm a 6'1 caucasian. brown hair, green eyes, slim thighs.
i grow upwards most of the time.
green hair, brown eyes, good size.
my mum used to tell me that i should wear jeans more, but they used to make my bum stick together.
i expressed a preference for novelty ties, girls over guys, silk over leather.
i looked downwards most of the time.

I think this is the greatest stanza I've ever read from you. The rhymin' is stylin' and flow is down-low, catch my drift? There's just some killers here.
"I grow upwards most of the time"
"I expressed a preference for novelty ties, grls over guys, silk over leather"


i was a sad child, i'd run wild. skip school & smoke joints.
i smoked heroin in my bathroom. it was expensively tiled.
my conscience was clean & my curries were mild.
i broke the sink once dancing at a party & the penalty wasn't cute.
i used to be so much more than a prostitute

I'm not sure, the ending is ok, it just feels a little childish. Maybe it's the rhyming of "cute" with "prostitute" that's bugging me. I don't know.


This was fantastic, really really good. Gone are the over the top metaphors and complex characters, instead you've given us a glimpse of the less-pretentious side of you, the "fun" side of you, I guess. But what I love about this, more than anything, is the massive amount of vulnerability it expressess. Thanks for poopping in Alex, this made my day
#3
Orgh. Very original, distinct style. This is fun and a vomit of thoughts and images and feelings. Could do without the emoticon at the end though
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#4
Fun to read, original for sure. It was charming the second time through, but I think if I read it more I might get annoyed at the narrator for being so darn erratic. But whatever. Very nice
#5
Fun, original, I liked it.


Oh and, hey Alex Enjoying the campus life?
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
Last edited by Billyjson at Mar 17, 2009,
#6
I love the first and third stanzas.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror