#1
i decided to make an album closer sounding kinda song

so there are alot of clean mellow parts, contrasted with some faster paced stuff too

its five and a half minutes, so brace yourself.

i think it is pretty epic, imo

anyway... crit please!

C4C

edit: i forgot to include the file.. silly me
Attachments:
slow sad.zip
Last edited by ninja.kitty at Mar 17, 2009,
#2
Mellow is a perfect description of this song. I'm a sucker for harmonies so bar 44 was sweet This is really different from what I usually listen to, the piano was really unique, and the guitar was very melodic and well thought through, especially at 76. I thought you could've repeated those bars one more time, it would make the pause after it less abrupt.
I wasn't sure about the last note on 123, 124, etc.

Definitely a different (but a good different) style of song. I really liked it, because it was one of the few longer songs on here that didn't bore me. Good job and thanks for the crit
#3
I liked this one a lot, so I'll give it a full crit.

Intro: The rhodes piano caught me off guard a little bit. Very different, but very mellow at the same time. Nice melodies by the piano and nice job not overusing the guitar too in that part. The only problem is that the progression does get a little repetitive. I would suggest some kind of variation in the chords to get rid of that.

Verse 1: Again, very nice. I had a problem with the drums though. They sounded a little awkward. Fix that and it will sound fine.

Chorus: It was good, but there's nothing else to say about it really.

Verse 2: I liked this part a lot. It was very melodic and the tempo change kept me interested. The only thing I suggest is that you make some kind of chorus after it just for that verse, repeat the verse, and then go to the mellow bridge. The change is too sudden for me and the new chorus will keep the aggression lasting a little longer.

Bridge: Great work here. Don't change a thing.

Chorus: Again don't change anything here.

Post-Chorus: Nice job bringing back the piano melodies from the beginning with the guitar following it. Again, don't change anything.

Break: It was very ambient and relaxing. It was a good way to set up an epic ending.

Breakdown: I'm not a huge fan of breakdowns but this one was more melodic than what I'm used to hearing which is very good.

Ending: It was a little abrupt to me. You could do so much more with this part. Add a solo, an epic harmonized fadeout, anything to create an appropriate ending. I suggest you make some kind of variation to the Breakdown riff and use that as a solo riff. I also think you can do something with that little bit at bar 39.

I give it a 7.5/10

It was a very nice song, but not epic. Take what you will from my advice and good luck on the song. (I hope I wasn't too harsh)
#4
Yay, Rhodes Piano.
Bar 9 kinda reminds me of death cab. exept the solo kinda thing. ruined it for me.
Bringing it back down again at 15 worked well. I wouldnt have used the claps though.
The chorus was good, but for this song, I feel it didnt fit at all. A heavy kinda chorus would go great there, but the one you wrote could have been better. Some of it sounded out of key aswell.
Wasnt a big fan of the metalcore type riff.
Bar 48, you write these clean sections very well. didnt like the solo again. maybe change the solo to piano. i dunno. i would.
Post chorus, which was similiar to the chorus, sounded good. mayeb make that the chorus?
Bar 98 was great. exept i think the bass chord prog was out of key.
Yes, electronic drums, and delay guitar. work together well everytime.
the buildup to the breakdown actualyl worked well.
and the breakdown was pretty good.

Some good bits, some bad bits. in my opinion. i would get rid of/change the chorus, but the rest seems good, just needs some minor tweaks.

7/10/.

c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=19085966#post19085966
#5
Quote by JesseBlanchard
Yay, Rhodes Piano.
Bar 9 kinda reminds me of death cab. exept the solo kinda thing. ruined it for me.
Bringing it back down again at 15 worked well. I wouldnt have used the claps though.
The chorus was good, but for this song, I feel it didnt fit at all. A heavy kinda chorus would go great there, but the one you wrote could have been better. Some of it sounded out of key aswell.
Wasnt a big fan of the metalcore type riff.
Bar 48, you write these clean sections very well. didnt like the solo again. maybe change the solo to piano. i dunno. i would.
Post chorus, which was similiar to the chorus, sounded good. mayeb make that the chorus?
Bar 98 was great. exept i think the bass chord prog was out of key.
Yes, electronic drums, and delay guitar. work together well everytime.
the buildup to the breakdown actualyl worked well.
and the breakdown was pretty good.

Some good bits, some bad bits. in my opinion. i would get rid of/change the chorus, but the rest seems good, just needs some minor tweaks.

7/10/.

c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=19085966#post19085966
so... based on your advice, you want me to scrap all lead parts, make the post chorus the chorus, and get rid of the second verse?

heres what it got me...
Attachments:
slow sad 2.zip
#6
yeh, to me that sounded alot better. kinda of changed the style though. to a more minimalist song. kinda like a death cab for cutie song.
#9
Sorry for the late crit!

I can't say I was a fan of the way the contrasting parts sequed together. The drums were lacking in terms of transitions, and the song itself felt more along the lines of just sections stuck together. The song was good, just kind of lumbering and shaky 'round the joints, and I couldn't really grasp a sense of direction. I'd personally separate it into to two songs, one all clean and one all post-hardcore-y goodness; imo, it would work better.

This was pretty cool and mellow, however. Just needs some work.
#10
Quote by Broadsword
Sorry for the late crit!

I can't say I was a fan of the way the contrasting parts sequed together. The drums were lacking in terms of transitions, and the song itself felt more along the lines of just sections stuck together. The song was good, just kind of lumbering and shaky 'round the joints, and I couldn't really grasp a sense of direction. I'd personally separate it into to two songs, one all clean and one all post-hardcore-y goodness; imo, it would work better.

This was pretty cool and mellow, however. Just needs some work.

what if i dragged on each part instead of doing little bit to little bit?
#11
Thank you for the crit man :] Sorry for the late crit! I checked out the original, and the updated, but I like the updated one more, so here goes:

Intro/Verse: I'm liking the rhodes piano... reminds me a bit of some J-rock. I like the melody. It seems very melancholy. Very sad. The drums are good, but I was never a fan of the little shaker thing. And the guitar chord that plays with it I don't like much... that's just me. The thing at Bar 16 is a little better. I like this more.

Oh god... when you start the trem picked melody it sounds amazing. I think you should repeat it once more before going into the next part. Though the next part was very good. I think you should make this the chorus (if it's not).

Bridge: The drums seem very hip-hop to me here. It's probably the clap though. Seems like another verse to me... I like the melody alot. It would probably do good with vocals here.

Post-Chorus: The thing at bar 49 was a bit abrupt... You should give it a smoother transition, and once again, maybe repeat the trem part.

Break: I like how you layer the chord over the synth pad. I really love what you did with the fading guitar. I like that alot. That and the LH Piano. I like how it slowly picks up with the drums and everything.

Breakdown: It comes up out of nowhere, but that's what verse's do. This seems like the more metalcore verse to me. The Devil Wears Prada you were going for shows up here. Very epic, opinion.

Ending: The way you end it now seems very... out of place. I recomend taking the Post-chorus (which should be the chorus) and adding it in place of what you have. I tried it, and it sounds even more epic, since the breakdown kind of builds up to it. If you do, repeat it like... 3 times. I think that's a good way to end it right there :] That's just me though.

Overall, very, very good piece. I like it alot :] I give it a 9.5/10 because of the ending, and how my favorite part doesn't repeat enough and it feels empty to me . Just a couple things to improve on...

Good going :]
#12
i hope you're critting the first one, because the second one doesnt flow... at all....

thanks man
#13
My favorite bar is the third last of the chorus, I would have extended the rhythm to the next bar as well. I actually think I'd prefer some sort of triplets factored into the breakdown part (wow, weird of me saying that). Also, I think the break down should be doubled and a chorus (perhaps post chorus) (perhaps reprisal) should be put after it. The song ends kinda like starved of a last hurrah.
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#14
I really love the intro, it has an almost 'cutesy' feel to it. You handle the rhoads piano and strings very well! I personally think you killed the song by putting distorted guitars in. Acoustic guitars would've been so much better! The very emotional atmosphere from the intro died when the heavier stuff came in...

I absolutely LOVE the break, very eerie! Strangely enough the distorted guitars do fit after this part... Maybe you should make the first half acoustic and the second half heavy...

7/10

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=19128416#post19128416
#15
Hey guys, been awhile. I know this is from nearly five years ago, but I just revisited this song again, and didn't want to make a whole new thread for it. But I made some revisions, and think it sounds at least a little better now. Maybe not, but I had some time to kill, so I figured why not?

I changed up the ridiculous double bass during the chorus, swapped around some parts, extended others, took out the lame metal-core riffs and the end of the song that was completely out of place.
Attachments:
slow sad.gp5