#1
Honestly, my favorite thing I've ever written. There is so much in it that is me. c4c if you leave a link.(let me know if I missed you on my last thread)


A penny for your thoughts
or a leprechaun for your silence.
We both know which will pick more cotton
in the long run.
The problem with leprechauns is
sometimes
they like to go hat-mad;
play with teapots
and ak-47s and mermaids.
Teehee.

I'm the drop of a hat from madness,
and you are dangling Slash from the ceiling by his ankles.
#2
Yes

Yes yes yes yes yes

You know what I think Zach but i love this piece so damn much. i don't know why, but I just do. I really really do, you irish bastard. Now lets go get sloshed.
#3
One thing I really liked was how you related these two lines:

they like to go hat-mad;
and
I'm the drop of a hat from madness,

I also like all the personal touches. Most of them I don't understand, but that's what's intriguing about good work. Plus everything Irish rocks.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1088632 , if you could for me.
"There's a fine line between child abuse and discipline. Take my dad for example; when I screwed up, my dad would electrocute me. And look at me today: flawless. Electrocution builds character." - Maddox
#4
This reminds me of myself.

I hate it.

You understand, I hope.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
This is really good, Zach. It's both intense, poignant and genuine. I don't know whether it's my favourite from you, but I can honestly see why you have favoured it so largely. Every line seems to encapsulate a separate side of you, whilst never becoming overly washed out in the process.
Excellent work, guv.
#7
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#8
Mmm... I'll come back to this.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#9
This sounds so much like you. It's got that voice, that little giddy-up in its step. Everything. I just wish it could have been longer. Maybe this subject doesn't call for it, that's up to you. But it felt over before the shenanigans even got started. And that makes me a sad panda.

Then again, that's a good problem to have, when someone wants more of the piece.
#12
I enjoyed this. It's very distinctive and memorable, and just overall entertaining.

A penny for your thoughts,
or a leprechaun for your silence.
We both know which will pick more cotton
in the long run.


Everything about this line attracted my attention. It's really clever, but it gets better, surprisingly enough to me.

The problem with leprechauns is,
sometimes
they like to go hat-mad;


I like this expression a lot.

play with teapots
and ak-47s and mermaids.
Teehee.


This is my favorite bit, by far. Flawless execution, not to mention, the ironic "teehee" suits the poem perfectly. It's so unexpected and almost menacing in a completely inverted way. Nice work.

I'm the drop of a hat from madness,
and you are dangling Slash from the ceiling by his ankles.


I like how you related this to hat-mad, as some have already said, and the line about Slash (no doubt reffering to his hat) and dangling him by the ankles is very witty.

All in all, this was definitely one of the better reads today. Good work, mate!

Crit either of mine in my sig, preferably the top one (Respawn...) as it's newest, and the other has plenty of crits already.
#13
I like the penny for thoughts, leprechaun silence, etc. Very nice. I also like the hats and cotton. Everything I liked has already been said
#14
I actually really liked this. Short, simple, and witty. I loved the line about the AK-47 and the little "Teehee" right afterwards.

however, one thing kinda jumped out at me that I didn't really get
and you are dangling Slash from the ceiling by his ankles.

What does Slash have to do with it?


EDIT: please show no mercy: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1094126
Last edited by GrungeJunkie at Mar 26, 2009,
#15
Quote by GrungeJunkie
What does Slash have to do with it?


If you dangled Slash upside down, his top hat would fall off. Following the drop of a hat motif.

Unless there's some hidden meaning, but that's what I got out of it.
#16
I liked everything except the cotton, because I don't actually know whether a penny or a leprechaun will pick more cotton. What have leprechauns got to do with cotton, anyway? Is it an Irish-American indentured servant reference? I don't get it.

The rest was freakin' brilliant.

Oh, although the commas after "is" and "thoughts" bother me, too. You don't actually use a comma to set off dependent clauses like that. You could use a colon after "is," but you don't actually need any punctuation either place, and a comma is the wrong tool.

You know what? The more I look at it, the more I notice that the end-of-line punctuation is wrong, every line. The period and the semi-colon should both be colons. You could solve this problem simply by eliminating end-of-line punctuation...

peace
Last edited by Nilchii at Mar 26, 2009,
#17
Is he serious with that?

Because it was possibly the worst thing I've ever read. Sorry but it was.

What has cotton picking got to do with leprechauns. Or did you suddenly try to write a blues song.

This was pretty crying worthy, I have to say. The fact that you wrote something about Ireland and actually included something about leprechauns, is incredibly unoriginal and tired

Sorry, that's just my opinion
Last edited by Tkm at Mar 26, 2009,
#18
You're welcome to your opinion, but something tells me you didn't read this very carefully. This has nothing to do with Ireland, save for the fact that my heritage is in Ireland. And it isn't a song, its a poem of sorts.

Cotton picking is a symbol, just as leprechauns are a symbol. I'm not going to present a lecture on writing, I'm not qualified. But at least make an effort here.
#19
What's needed to be said has been said, so I won't beat it to death. I feel like I don't know you well enough to appreciate the feel, though. And I dislike the 'teehee'.. but I wouldnt want you to take it out.

Anyway, this is very good. Its size-content ratio is admirable... Like something cut with only the very good bits left to present.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#20
I laughed a little bit and really liked the symbolism. Its very clever and real.

I mean, really really clever man. Top notch work!
last.fm[/url}
#22
brilliantly weird. I love when a piece seems to give a snippet of our most random thoughts.
#23
Quote by #1 synth
I think if you read this again in the year you will not think it is your favorite thing you have written.



This is already almost a year old, sir. With all due respect to your opinion and thoughts. You should give me an opinion on my other one "plight of flightless" because I'm interested to hear what you have to say and I'm reading your costa rica stuff.

Thanks everyone.