#1
awaltzforingridbergmanthatheartbreakingwhore. ots. c4c. etc.

play it again, sam
a torso that separates
my spine from my enemies,
i'm working on masterpiece
moments that keep you in
skin that you'll try to shake;
you're always a breath away.
a crackling infirmary speech of recovery,
while i'm spitting my blood
on the backs of my mother's knees,
resting my head on the cold
of the kitchen floor,
wasting my love on the words
that we spoke before.
meaning to tell you i've moved
from my lover's chest,
grown into willow's branch,
gold like the eliot
poems that you wrote on
the backs of your hands,
so i'd know that there's nothing but,
beauty in every inch
of your sweetened and sallow skin,
all the while counting
the pages you'd ripped
from the warmth of your diaries,
striking each ivory
chord with precision,
dance halls alive
with the sounds of division.
#2
Quote by NGD1313
awaltzforingridbergmanthatheartbreakingwhore. ots. c4c. etc.

play it again, sam
a torso that separates
my spine from my enemies,
nice intro.
i'm working on masterpiece
moments that keep you in
skin that you'll try to shake;
you're always a breath away.
a crackling infirmary speech of recovery,
truly dig this line
while i'm spitting my blood
on the backs of my mother's knees,
resting my head on the cold
of the kitchen floor,
surreal yet nostalgic details
wasting my love on the words
that we spoke before.
meaning to tell you i've moved
from my lover's chest,
grown into willow's branch,
gold like the eliot
poems that you wrote on
the backs of your hands,
so i'd know that there's nothing but,
beauty in every inch
of your sweetened and sallow skin,
all the while counting
the pages you'd ripped
from the warmth of your diaries,
striking each ivory
chord with precision,
dance halls alive
with the sounds of division.
beauty


nice juxtaposition of writing poems on hands vs. tearing honesty out of a diary

all in all i dig this.

the only section that feels less up-to-scratch/doesnt flow as well for me was that "i'm working on masterpiece
moments that keep you in
skin that you'll try to shake;
you're always a breath away."

other than that, nice work man

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1089380

~b
#3
"i'm working on masterpiece
moments that keep you in
skin that you'll try to shake;
you're always a breath away."
^This is the only part of this is don't like.

I've missed reading your stuff, but dan, great way to come back. Really enjoyed this.
#4
I actually thought it was great. I love the concept and the flow.
keep up the good work.
#5
I'm not sure why this doesn't have more comments.

Writing isn't appreciated here much anymore, really.

I loved this.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching