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#1
Post puns here that when u heard just made you cringe.

A bloke walks into a library, slips & falls arse over head.
He was in the non-friction section.
Quote by elliott FTW
I LOVE YOU SLOGANKID
silly racist bitch finally kicked the bucket

#3
did you hear ray charles died?

i heard he didn't see it coming.

*lulz ensue*
KLH & KGB
11/28/09
#4
I know a Barber called Ian.

His shop is called Bar - bar- ian's.

But the font makes it look like it spells Bar - ber - jan. So it's a double whammy of anti-awesome.
Jackson KVX10
Epiphone EB-3

Bugera 6260
Laney Supergroup Mk 1
Marshall VS100RH
Laney LX412A

Bad Monkey
Crybaby
Metal Muff
Fish N Chips
#7
You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass.
🙈 🙉 🙊
#8
Quote by The_Paranoia
I found a toe in the road, I didn't know what to do so I called the tow truck.


[img]http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/3760/356h356h365pc1.png[/img]
Die Ruhe vor dem Sturm.
#10
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

..
Do I win?
#11
My copy pasta sense is tingling...
Jackson KVX10
Epiphone EB-3

Bugera 6260
Laney Supergroup Mk 1
Marshall VS100RH
Laney LX412A

Bad Monkey
Crybaby
Metal Muff
Fish N Chips
#12
Quote by Glimsom
My copy pasta sense is tingling...

Curses, foiled again! And I thought I'd be considered bomb ass after this..
#13
I declare protest000 a master of puns, IF he didn't copy and paste.

Edit: Damnit im too slow.
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Last edited by JacobLampman at Mar 18, 2009,
#14
Quote by protest000
Curses, foiled again! And I thought I'd be considered bomb ass after this..


You would have gotten away with it to, if it weren't for my constant pop culture references.
Jackson KVX10
Epiphone EB-3

Bugera 6260
Laney Supergroup Mk 1
Marshall VS100RH
Laney LX412A

Bad Monkey
Crybaby
Metal Muff
Fish N Chips
#15
No you do not. Delicious copypasta.

The Beach Boys walk into a bar
"Round?"
"Round?"
"Get a round"
"I get a round?"
"Get a round...."
Quote by elliott FTW
I LOVE YOU SLOGANKID
silly racist bitch finally kicked the bucket

#16
I have two that I made up and I get punched in the face every time I say them:

What did Darth Vader's creative writing teacher say to him?
Metaphors be with you.

And:

What was the name of Queen's first hip-hop album?
Bohemian Rap CD
Quote by metacarpi
I'd rather post a chat up line with an escape route in case it starts going wrong.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

*girl looks unimpressed*

"Because it looks like you landed on your face."
#18
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?


The roundest Knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.


Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."

The other says "Are you sure?"

The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
Quote by elliott FTW
I LOVE YOU SLOGANKID
silly racist bitch finally kicked the bucket

#21
A UGer created a thread.

It was then filled with terribly poor...

discracefully poor puns.
#23
*Every joke ever printed on a popsicle strick*
American Strat:
Area 61 Neck, Area 67 Middle & Bridge
Spretzel Locking Tuners
Graphtech Nut & String Tree
Lots O' Love!

JSX + Orange Cab
Fender Blues Deluxe
Deluxe Memory Man
Fulltone Full Drive 2 & OCD
H2O Chorus/Echo
#24


These are excellent. This isn't mine, I forgot where I heard it.

What do you call it when Al Gore plays the drums?
Algorithms!
Quote by metacarpi
I'd rather post a chat up line with an escape route in case it starts going wrong.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

*girl looks unimpressed*

"Because it looks like you landed on your face."
#27
So Mr. Pun recieved his wellfare check today...
Quote by guitar-godfrey
when i grow up i wanna have blackandsilver's babies!

Quote by angusfan16

Quote by Scowmoo
..
HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


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Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#28
Some people say being gay is a real pain in the arse....

(my absolute favourite )
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#29
Who remembers that awesome Red Hot Chili Peppers thread from yesterday?
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#30
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.
Quote by elliott FTW
I LOVE YOU SLOGANKID
silly racist bitch finally kicked the bucket

#32
Quote by slogankid1
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

Hey, you got that from the website I used!
Oh shi-
#33
Quote by slogankid1
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Quote by guitar-godfrey
when i grow up i wanna have blackandsilver's babies!

Quote by angusfan16

Quote by Scowmoo
..
HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#34
Quote by ShaunDiel
Probably anyone that saw it. It was only yesterday.

No, people forget too Easily.
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#35
A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender gives him the beer and the neutron asks:

"How much?"

the bartender replies:

"For you, no charge."
#37
What did the penguins sing at their friend's birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Gotta love Penguin biscuits.
Jackson KVX10
Epiphone EB-3

Bugera 6260
Laney Supergroup Mk 1
Marshall VS100RH
Laney LX412A

Bad Monkey
Crybaby
Metal Muff
Fish N Chips
#38
There's a banana on the floor, keep your eyes peeled!
Here's what the critics are saying about Hanzi_G:

Quote by SteveHouse
Hanzi_G = god damned prophet.

SIG ME GODDAMMIT
#39
The people of Dubai do not find The Flintstones funny, but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
Quote by Fassa Albrecht
You can't prove that people DON'T walk on water. turn water into wine etc.
#40
Quote by ShaunDiel
Forget what?

Everything. Threads, posts, etc.

But, honestly, I was just trying to get another rhcp pun into my post.
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
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