#1
It is song lyrics for a deathcore song. The song builds in intensity as it progresses, the tempo stays at around 180, and parts repeat. Here goes.


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The ancient deceiver, the true king of lies,
you left them all helpless, you let them all die.
The incessant evil, the horror it brings,
the mindless disasters, the blood that we bleed.

It counts for nothing when it's said and done;
and in the end, you're bent and broken, your spirit is shattered and you are forgotten.

You are lost.

The way that you scream, it makes my heart race,
and i love the look of the blood on your face.
Bleeding through the carpet,
yes you are dead, my darling.

Draped onto the floor, your organs flood the bathroom.
I am lost in drinking the red from your throat.

Cry for me, yes, cry for me,
as i fill your grave,
you scream my name,
but no one hears you.
Quote by JeanMi36
The little toe is one fragile motherfuc*er.
#3
A little over the top and far too "splatter movie" for my taste ("your organs flood the bathroom" don't you have anything more clever than that?? come on.) but good rhythm and I can hear the song in my head as I read it. Maybe not the way you hear it, and probably not something I would listen to, but I can see a song there but that's just a matter of taste. Otherwise - good work.

Feel free to return fire: Walk Away (link to my lyrics)
Si
Last edited by 20Tigers at Mar 19, 2009,