#1
So this song isn't actually called Darkest Nightmare. It's more like a working title.
The verses will be screamed and the chorus sung.
Tell me what you think :P

Darkest Nightmare

You promised forever,
with a smile so convincing.
But quickly it faded,
and I'm left to be on my own.
Nothing will ever change,
You have my heart til the day I die!

Never will I be complete again,
forever my heart is with you.

Only you can save me,
from the darkest of nightmares.
The darkness that I spend,
of my life all on my own.
Nothing will ever change,
You have my heart til the day I die!

Never will I be complete again,
forever my heart is with you.
A piece of my life went missing,
as you walked out of my view.

[Instrumental]

[I'll kiss the sun good night,
and my life goodbye.]

Never will I be complete again,
cuz forever my heart is with you.
A piece of my life went missing,
as you walked out of my view.
#2
I don't have a comment on the structure of the song, it seems a very Stabbing Westward kind of simple and dark to me. My gripe is that the very first two lines seem to make the song very schizophrenic. You state in those lines that you were deceived, but it is followed with the song saying you'll miss her. It seems non-sequitor, or immature to me. Unless that kind of young-people-in-love stupidity is what you're going for, in which case I will sit down and shut up.
#4
This is okay. I think it would work as an average pop, soft rock song, mainstream radio-friendly kind of thing. I think that may main problem is that every verse seems to say pretty much the same thing. What I'd try to do is focus on different aspects of what you're trying to say in each part more, or perhaps use different metaphors to say pretty much the same thing in every verse (think "Blowin' in the wind" by Bob Dylan). Speaking of metaphors, try to put more of them in as well to replace the cliche lines which you have quite a few of; otherwise, it's simply not anything special.

Although I wouldn't say this particularly intriguing, and I don't like this sort of music, I guess I can see it working like I said.

c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=19088654