#1
A lengthy ballad I wrote a while back, I already have it recorded so it has music too it, I just didn't wanted to give out my whole song on UG
The stanza's are structured, but pretty loose at the same time. Hope you enjoy it. C4C.

Oh the darling Rhonda Lee,
Always On TV,
Won't move unless someone leads,
Stings like a honey-bee.
With a face way too pretty,
made all the men get on their knees
Just a celebrity,
Yes the darling Rhonda Lee.
Loved by oh so many,
But loved to much by one.

Enter Devon Moore,
Who has no friends anymore,
Most would say that he's a bore,
Gotta a dead-end job at the grocery store.
Not rich but then again not poor,
None of his clothes are tore,
He missed on all the wars,
And by the women he's ignored.
'Cause of his obsession for,
The darling Rhonda Lee.

She see's him staring at her house,
It sits out on the beach,
With lights for all to see,
With no security.
Except for one lone key,
Thats just out of his reach,
Keeping him from Rhonda Lee,
There's that and the police.
In between him and his peach,
My, my she is so sweet,
So close and yet so far.

Devon draws pictures for her,
But he hangs them on the wall,
Just staring at them all,
Why they're not good enough at all.
Looks at the phone but doesn't call,
Sayin' "She's probably at the mall",
Having herself a ball,
Besides he wouldn't talk,
He'd just stop breathing.

But later on that week,
When right to sleep Rhonda Lee goes,
With her blanket on her toes,
Her self-portraits in a row.
Devon Moore well, this he knows,
For he's looking through the windows,
The the outside air is cold,
He was sure to bring his coat.
He'll come back again tomorrow for the show,
But once again he ducks behind a bush,
And prays that she didn't see him tonight.

When Rhonda Lee at last at 10 O'clock,
Finally awakes,
Puts her make-up on her face,
Eats the food the butler makes.
Just like every other day,
But she don't know that far away,
Devon with his binoculars waits,
And watches until late.
Then its back to bed at eight,
For Rhonda Lee anyway,
But back to the bushes again,
For Devon.

But this time Rhonda knows whats comin',
So she catches him at the door,
Says, "I know you Devon Moore",
"Don't come around here anymore.
"I'll lock you up you got my word",
"And I'll do it with no remorse",
"So go 'way from my porch",
"You crazy stalker!"

As this happens Devon is uphauled,
He lies, "It was just for fun",
"But we'll never be, I know, so I am done",
"There's no reason now to see the sun".
So as Rhonda thinks he's gonna run,
He instead pulls out a gun,
And pulls the trigger but not at Rhonda,
The crosshairs were on his own head.

Of course when the gun was fired,
Devon Moore did die,
Nobody, not even Rhonda, cried,
At least poor Devon tried.
Though he died with out his pride,
And he died without a bride,
And he died without a life,
Other than Rhonda.

So answer me this,
Why is life so cruel and mean?
Why did no church bells for Devon ring?
What sort of lesson does this bring?
Why'd Devon died lonesome and ashamed,
They just cleaned away the blood on the scene,
So no one would have to see,
The lover of Rhonda Lee.
Just as loving as you or me,
But now his story has ended.

They acted like nothing'd happened,
And that Devon'd fade to memory,
Like some sort of bad disease,
But I remember too clearly.
The story of the lover,
Of the Darling Rhonda Lee.
Pot
Kettle
Black
#2
Good story! Quite lengthy, draws people in to the next lyric line. Looking good! .
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THE WHO
#3
^Thanks alot man, I'm a good short-story writer in school and I love songwriting so I just decided to combine them!
Pot
Kettle
Black
#4
Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my daaarling Clementine

Thanks, now that song is going to be in my head for the rest of the day.

A beautiful ballad is all i have to say.
The story really sucks you in.
if the music behind fits very well, then it will be a masterpiece.
Keep up the good work
#5
It's got a Dylan-esque rhyme structure (It's Alright Ma is what comes to mind) with some jumpy Springsteen-y story telling. I dig it man! I like the idea of looser structure... it makes it less like a poem and more like a song.


Good job!
Hey, I'm Mike.
#7
pretty good. lengthy and good enough to take me from beginning to end. there wasnt really anything needless in there. kept me into it the whole way. and looks like it will work good as a song.