#1
Not definate about the title yet, but here it goes


Imagine waking up tomorrow
And all the music has disappeared
Yesterday was a bright world
And now its faded away

[Chorus]
What will you do
You think you just wont care
But that’s all gonna change
After the music disappears

In this dull new world we live in
Everyone is quiet
The beautiful sounds that came out of their mouths
Are forever silenced

[Chorus]

[[Bridge]
In this mute society we live in
There is no want or need to live

[Chorus]
Repear Bridge
[Chorus]
#3
Quote by Fusanti_RHCP


Well first off you are right about changing the song title. Maybe try something like Dead Days of Radio, something along those lines as long as it's not too dramatic.

Imagine waking up tomorrow
And all the music has disappeared
Yesterday was a bright world
And now its faded away

I would change the second line completely. Take away the And from the start of your sentence and add something along the lines of "To find that our music has been erased." The next line wasn't much better for me. Maybe put something like "Yesterday the world was singing." and for the last line maybe something like "But now all is led astray." Don't copy directly but I'm trying to lead you in a better direction to where the rest of your lyrics are.

[Chorus]
What will you do
You think you just wont care
But that’s all gonna change
After the music disappears

Ok first you need to add a ? to the end of the first sentence. Good now I think you need to reword the second line to make it clearer and easier to say. Besides these hiccups the rest of the chorus works pretty well.

In this dull new world we live in
Everyone is quiet
The beautiful sounds that came out of their mouths
Are forever silenced


[[Bridge]
In this mute society we live in
There is no want or need to live

This works perfect for a short bridge and says exactly what you need to say. No need to change anything here.



Overall this was a very solid effort that can be greatly improved upon. You really need to work on adding punctuation to give a depth of flow though. I hope you take this critique to heart because this peace could really turn out to be something over time. It's not the most original idea but is still miles above some of the crapola I've seen already on this site. Good job man. c4c??
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1091571
Last edited by Saboathi at Mar 22, 2009,
#4
I like It man, it very clearly shows how music today is dead, we live in a recycled world keep up the stuff man. i would suggest maybe to write an additional verse but who am i to judge art. if you have the time could you please critic my song
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1088952&highlight=needle
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