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#1
So I just had this idea for a thread for the wittiest songwriters out their, who do you think is the best at twisting words and making everything fall in place? For example, "so we will be tipped off to when their ticked off" is something I find amusing and witty.

So, post who you think is one of the wittiest songwriters out there!!


btw, I did search this and didn't find anything but if their is already a thread like this please direct me to it!


I'll start:
Matthew Theissen; Relient K
Make a joyful noise.


Guild M-30

Peavy Audition 110 amp hey, i'm actually proud of this one.
boss ME-50
www.iamterrified.com
#2
I always thought "By the way, which ones Pink"From Have a Cigar was witty.
Inhuman evil take down!
#4
Morrisey of The Smiths (of course) and Keith Buckley of Every Time I Die are my favourites.
Quote by jackofclubs
Freebird!!!
#10
Alex Turner - Arctic Monkeys
Good Charlotte sounds like...uh...they sound like...um...well, they taste like a popsicle stick thats been shoved up someones ass -Eddie Vedder

REMEMBER DISCO: All stupid fads go away with time. STOP COMPLAINING
#11
James Hetfield:

What doesn't kill you, Makes you more strong.

/thread.

But seriously, James Hetfield is my favourite rhythm guitarist, he's just seemed to lost some of that ability to write decent lyrics, like he used to have, especially on Justice. That album had epic lyrics.
Quote by srvguitarrulez
I heard someone say that Fall Out Boy had amazing guitarwork. But, it was a 13 year old girl, so it didn't matter.
#12
Flight Of The Conchords ftw.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#13
Quote by Mootallica
But seriously, James Hetfield is my favourite rhythm guitarist, he's just seemed to lost some of that ability to write decent lyrics, like he used to have, especially on Justice. That album had epic lyrics.


when a man lies he kills some part of the earth...

oh wait, that's cliff burton
Stand up and cheer if you like SimCity

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up
THE WiLDHEARTS

Quote by goest
I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."
#14
Quote by SlipknotRule93
when a man lies he kills some part of the earth...

oh wait, that's cliff burton



I thought that was "himself" not, earth?


and Rammstein, their word plays are brilliant
Last edited by DaveM666 at Mar 22, 2009,
#15
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Flight Of The Conchords ftw.



BINARY SOLO 000110011001001000101100100triple1001
Quote by srvguitarrulez
I heard someone say that Fall Out Boy had amazing guitarwork. But, it was a 13 year old girl, so it didn't matter.
#16
Quote by Mootallica
BINARY SOLO 000110011001001000101100100triple1001

Love 'em.

Dare I say Kirk Hammett? My lifestyle, determines my deathstyle

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#17
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Flight Of The Conchords ftw.


This and stephen lynch.
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#18
Quote by DaveM666
I thought that was "himself" not, earth?


and Rammstein, their word plays are brilliant


come to think of it i think he actually says the world... oh well.

and +1 to rammstein, despite how disturbing their lyrics can be.
Stand up and cheer if you like SimCity

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up
THE WiLDHEARTS

Quote by goest
I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."
#19
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Love 'em.

Dare I say Kirk Hammett? My lifestyle, determines my deathstyle


A rising tide, that pushes to the other side.

Might I say, that second part isn't too bad...

Might I add...

Purify/You and I/Purify

Basically St Anger as a whole.

But seriously, ...And Justice For All "Justice is lost, Justice is raped, Justice is gone"

Hell, that whole song is epically written.
Quote by srvguitarrulez
I heard someone say that Fall Out Boy had amazing guitarwork. But, it was a 13 year old girl, so it didn't matter.
#20
Quote by DaveM666
I thought that was "himself" not, earth?


and Rammstein, their word plays are brilliant
Rammstein lyrics aren't brilliant when translated into English. Not in the least bit.

edit: OHHH word plays.. apparently I don't read English well.
Last edited by KlassikMetal666 at Mar 22, 2009,
#21
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Love 'em.

Dare I say Kirk Hammett? My lifestyle, determines my deathstyle


This.

Quote by Mootallica
A rising tide, that pushes to the other side.

Might I say, that second part isn't too bad...

Might I add...

Purify/You and I/Purify

Basically St Anger as a whole.

But seriously, ...And Justice For All "Justice is lost, Justice is raped, Justice is gone"

Hell, that whole song is epically written.


Not this.
Last edited by Les Paul Ell at Jan 9, 2012,
#22
Paul Simon. He has a special kind of humor, it's not like, in your face-witty, but it makes me smile all the time.
And what is more, there's been a bloody purple nose and some bloody purple clothes that were messing up the lobby floor. It's just apartment house rules so all you 'partment fools remember : one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
#23
Quote by KlassikMetal666
Rammstein lyrics aren't brilliant when translated into English. Not in the least bit.

edit: OHHH word plays.. apparently I don't read English well.



lol, I was thnking of the language they are originally written, like Du Hast (probs spelt that wrong) meanning either you have or you hate
#27


also Zappa, Pink Floyd etc.
Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon,
independent as a hog on ice,
He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse,
Plays accordion for Mr. Weiss
#29
Plan B.
Quote by Pookie6
Yngwi3, You win this whole monstrosity of a thread.

Quote by uk.mace
For the best tingle, use Original Source mint. That shit feels amazing on your balls.


Godfather of The Diezel Mafia
#30
Allow me to quote the great classic, Party at the Leper Colony


Finger food and an ice cold keg,
They won't cost you an arm and a leg
Dance all night to a rotten band.
Come on people, let's give 'em a hand

Saturday night, it's the place to be,
Everyone cut footloose with me
It's a party at the leper colony.
There's a party at the leper colony

Hey!

Met a little lady, so pretty and young.
She was quite a talker 'til the cat got her tongue
She moved up beside me, I turned on my charm.
Ooh, pretty soon she was completely disarmed

I said, 'girl, don't fall to pieces on me.'
But she cried her eyes out, literally
At the party at the leper colony.
There's a party at the leper colony

Hey! Hey!

Hey now buddy, don't you give me no lip
Sorry I was using your head for dip
There's someone in the hot tub, I don't know who.
Wait a minute, it looks like Stu

Well, hold the phone now, what do I see?
Another pretty momma gonna ride on me
At the party at the leper colony
There's a party at the leper colony
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#32
Drummer virtuoso Tomas Haake from Meshuggah has an ability to sit down and write something that no one can understand. He goes on about weird universes and stuff, and I only know the meaning of a handful of his songs.

EDIT: And I agree with Vanshaya. Mustaine is an incredible songwriter. I mean how many has he made so far? 200? And he has no plans of quitting either! One of my favourite lyrics by him is "Looking Down the Cross":

"And now to you, this will come
A putrefying pestilence
More noxious than the serpents breath
Malevolently destined
More corrupt than the malice of
Choronzon
More disease than the wind
Of the moonlight sun"

Or from "Black Friday":

"Killer, intruder, homicidal man.
If you see me coming, run as fast as you can.
A blood thirsty demon who's stalking the street.
I hack up my victims like pieces of meat.
Blood thirsty demon, sinister fiend,
Bludgeonous slaughters, my evil deeds."

That lyric is so evil


Most of his lyrics are very complicated and just awesome!
Last edited by VikingMetalhead at Mar 22, 2009,
#33
justin hawkins

some examples

"is it just me or am i all on my own again"

"it was a dusty old night and im the first to admit it
im sure it upset someone but my memory has chosen to ommit it
tiny voice telling me i really should cool it
chewing my face off talking absolute rubbish" ( instead of bull***t)

one way ticket to hell and back

Feighning joy and surprise
at the gifts we despise over mulled wine with you
Emerse your soul in love


You used to be alright What happened?


Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
#34
There seems to be some serious misunderstanding of the word 'witty' occuring here.
#36
Quote by SmarterChild
There seems to be some serious misunderstanding of the word 'witty' occuring here.

Yep
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#37
BO BURNHAM:

whats a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy,
and an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? an ironic way to die
and whats domain, domain, range (xxy) a kid with too much in his pants
and two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de france.

split a decision with long division,
take the circumference of your circumcision
live like your data and when you're all "set"
put it all together and whatever you get.

is new math...

whats a bag of chips divided by five, thats a nike worker's meal
and santa clause mutliplied by "i" well i guess that makes him real,
and the square root of the NBA is Africa in a box,
how do u trace a scatter plot? give the pencil to michael j fox.

take the approximate moral proportion of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
live like your data, and when youre all "set"
put it all together and whatever you get...

is new math.

and if you made a factor tree of the factors that caused my girl to leave me youd have a tree...
full of asian porn.
C-A-L-C-U-LATOR (see you later) mathetmatical minds make industrial smog.
and whats the opposite of lnx, duraflame the unnatural log.

support the farmers with a pro-tractor,
link kennedy and lincoln with a common factor (fact, or)
live like ur data...blah blah

word problems

if theres a fat guy in a pastry shop with a twenty dollar bill and he's ready to buy,
in order to predict his volume change you need to know the value of pi (pie)
and theres a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her,
how long til it reaches adn kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor,
and if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his freetime and mealtime while on his knees
and if kim is half as old as bobby who is two years older then twelve year old tori,
for how many more 30 day months will their threesomes be considered statutory rape

cause havin sex is like quadratic expansion if it cant be split then its time to stop,
and havin sex is like doing fractions, its improper for the larger one to be on top,
and havin sex is like math homework, i do it best when i'm alone in my bed.
and squarin numbers are just like women, if theyre under thirteen just do them in your head....
1. Open My Computer.
2. Open C:
3. Click on WINDOWS.
4. Open the folder "Media."
5. Click on the file "onestop."
6. Listen.
#38
Kenny Wayne Shepherd

Blue on black
Tears on a river
Push on a shove
Joker on jack


you get the idea, but you need to hear the whole song
In order to live, you must be ready to die

R.I.P. DIO


FUCK JUSTIN BIEBER


Quote by Metallica_AC/DC
a mental asylum called Mike



Quote by Masamune
That's cuz you mad...Mike.

Sorry, had to get my corniness out of the way.
#39
what about the voice of geddy lee
how did it get so high
i wonder if speaks like an ordinary guy
i know him and he does
and youre my fact checking cuz
Pavement is funny as sh*t
#40
Quote by drunkass
what about the voice of geddy lee
how did it get so high
i wonder if speaks like an ordinary guy
i know him and he does
and youre my fact checking cuz
Pavement is funny as sh*t


I love you
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