#1
Here it is. Thoughts? Constructive criticisms? I'm having trouble ending it.

Segmented Sky

The diseased;
What descended from heaven was the color out of space
It buzzed with a brand of malice not born of this place
In pause still gnashing, in clouds its rasping…
“We were born of the eighth…”
Oh yeah!

Those spared;
Save grace, **** this holy place
Blood streams, sores upon their face
“But will wrath incur night or hoist up the day?”
“I fear it matters to which god you pray”

Tediously…
He walks up those same damn stairs
Against the same damn glares
He pleads with armed debonair.

Bid us farewell now
Or begin to pen your suicide note
Give us escape of night
Or prepare for worse things than you’d like to know
Right now your kingdoms rotting
And the seas are parting
I hope you’ve got the impression of my hands wrapped around your throat

And you’ll die, you’ll all die
Wrapped up in the web we’ve weaved~
And you’ll die, you’ll all die
Trapped within the prison of the sea~
And you’ll die, you’ll all die
Wrapped up in the web we’ve weaved~
And you’ll die, you’ll all die
(In a cloud) in a cloud of wings!

Those spared;
Darkness, blighted our days
Pestilence, left the land a waste
“But will wrath incur night or hoist up the day?”
“I fear it matters to which god you pray”

Tediously…
He walks up those crumbling stairs
Against a backdrop of nightmare
He pleads with smug debonair.

Bid us farewell now
Or begin to pen your suicide note
Give us escape of night
Or prepare for worse things than you’d like to know
Right now your kingdoms rotting
And the seas are parting
I hope you’ve got the impression of my hands wrapped around your throat

And you’ll die, you’ll all die
Wrapped up in the web we’ve weaved~
And you’ll die, you’ll all die
Trapped within the prison of the sea~
And you’ll die, you’ll all die
Wrapped up in the web we’ve weaved~
And you’ll die, you’ll all die
(In a cloud) in a cloud of wings!
[quote="'[VictorinoX"]']You know what? We ARE convincing him to buy an MG Stack. I mean, who wouldn't want the CRUSHING OVERDRIVE, BRUTAL DISTORTION, BRUTALLY CRUSHING OVERDRIVE, and CRUSHINGLY BRUTAL DISTORTION, with built in digital effects!?
Last edited by DEADwin at Mar 22, 2009,
#2
People of UG, I beg of thee!

Critique!
[quote="'[VictorinoX"]']You know what? We ARE convincing him to buy an MG Stack. I mean, who wouldn't want the CRUSHING OVERDRIVE, BRUTAL DISTORTION, BRUTALLY CRUSHING OVERDRIVE, and CRUSHINGLY BRUTAL DISTORTION, with built in digital effects!?
#3
Last bump.
[quote="'[VictorinoX"]']You know what? We ARE convincing him to buy an MG Stack. I mean, who wouldn't want the CRUSHING OVERDRIVE, BRUTAL DISTORTION, BRUTALLY CRUSHING OVERDRIVE, and CRUSHINGLY BRUTAL DISTORTION, with built in digital effects!?