#1
In your prison cell you shall die of hunger
with desolate cries which you uttered in vain
as the screams of your death resonate through my chambers
I will grin at the sight of your splattered remains.

Grimace with thoughts of the pain you'll endure
through iron and fire your soul is no more
falling to traps in my dim torture rooms
realize at once my dungeon shall be your tomb.

As the pendulum lowers I hear your screams of pain
and your futile attempts to escape
fulfilled by seeing your body enchained
a death by my hand is your fate.

Grimace with thoughts of the pain you'll endure
through iron and fire your soul is no more
falling to traps in my dim torture rooms
realize at once my dungeon shall be your tomb.

Your utter destruction is complete
your splattered remains my demons shall eat
none can match my twisted mind
I am terror, the ruler of mankind.
I realized I was god when I prayed and saw that I was talking to myself.
#2
Quote by VengeanceIsMine
In your prison cell you shall die of hunger
with desolate cries which you uttered in vain thought this line seemed a bit awkward
as the screams of your death resonate through my chambers You followed the last sentence with the word "as". with and and as are both words when used correctly, would part a sentence with a comma. you just kind made two half sentences here.
I will grin at the sight of your splattered remains. i'm getting the picture of some weirdo old kind dude with some br00tal armor. little more detail to scare me some more?

Grimace with thoughts of the pain you'll endure
through iron and fire your soul is no more i don't really understand what you mean.
falling to traps in my dim torture rooms
realize at once my dungeon shall be your tomb.
i've always liked the word tomb lol

As the pendulum lowers I hear your screams of pain i didn't realize pendulams dropped
and your futile attempts to escape
fulfilled by seeing your body enchained
a death by my hand is your fate. good thought, but worded awkwardly

Grimace with thoughts of the pain you'll endure
through iron and fire your soul is no more
falling to traps in my dim torture rooms
realize at once my dungeon shall be your tomb.

Your utter destruction is complete
your splattered remains my demons shall eat seems kinda like a basic rhyme. think outside the box, not words that neccesarily rhyme, but flow.
none can match my twisted mind
I am terror, the ruler of mankind.


i enjoyed it.
it could use a bit more details, and depth, but i like this alot.
it'd be pretty sweet if you got rid of some of the jank.
nice work.

c4c?
That'd be boss, mah friend
Last edited by DustyRamone at Mar 26, 2009,