#1
every line, stanza, word, name, place, situation, cheasey rhyme, and feeling in this is completely real. including the title. it all happened, i'm glad it did.


tell your mother i love her
i really do.

when mine wasn't around to say goodnight
you and i would be playing records
she would poke her head in and say sleep tight

we'd spend a day down at the river landing
trying to catch fish, but we never did
working up an appetite we'd raid her fridge

a pile of logs for the wood stove sat in the driveway
he and i stacked every last piece
wandering inside after an afternoon of exhaustion
tossing on the game, "down goes boston" she'd tease.

i got really sick one night
laying in the bed she set up for me
he would bring me medicine
she made imported tea

they always had money, i sort of did
but didn't more often than not
my father was a mechanic
his wife and i always fought

**** it.

i miss you, and your family more than anything.
what i'd kill to have back that house and everyone in it.
sitting on the roof smoking cigars at thirteen years old
we actually looked up at the stars
wondering what it would all be like right now
but it isn't right
your joining the army, and i dont know where im heading
it feels like im already in the middle, stuck between poor and affluent
i live on the east, doing things that i shouldn't
like staying inside, but i swear i can't help it
i try and i try and i try, no one accepts me or loves me
there are only three that do
lou, mom, and you.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#2
I liked this piece. It was rather heartfelt, but it's simplicity was great. You didn't have to make up anything or add unncessary bs to make it feel real, and I like that. The only thing I have to comment on is that it goes from 3 line stanzas to 4 line stanzas in the beginning, and it kind of threw me off when I was reading it at first. Other than that, it's good. It could be a little more organized and a few of the rhymes could be altered, but other than that, good job

C4C?