#1
you never had to do this
The promises you've made/ are running down the drain/ and the things I see I can't be leave/ you ran to the dark/ then bit me like a shark/ Attack!/ and your never coming back

what you said you'd never be/ is now what you are/ we all see/ that you are/ far from yourself/ your just like the others that we hate/ and you left us with a taste of your new face/ now we know that you are ONE OF THEM!

I remember when you said you'd never be like one of them/ LOOK AT YOU NOW!/ YOU HAVE COMPLETELY CHANGED!/ YOU HAVE BE COME/ WHAT WE HATE!/ and I'm afraid/ its to late/ to let you see what you've become/ I know its hard to be someone who rips your heart out/ YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT/ YOU DO IT LIKE THE PROS/ and you ripped my heart beneath my nose

(Chorus)

I remember what your friends say when I talk to them/ YOU THREW THEM OUT LIKE TRASH/ AND SHATTERED THEIR HEARTS LIKE GLASS/ THEY NEVER KNEW THEIR FRIEND FROM THE PAST/ would be the one hatting me common now can't you see!/ that we don't like the new face you have/ its just like a nightmare I don't EVER WANT TO HAVE TO SEE/ DON'T EVER WANT TO HAVE TO SEE IT!

(Chorus)

What you once was/ is now long gone/ nothing left/ but a song/ a song of your mistakes/ you have desipeared / and ruined my life/ threw away your friends/ stabbed us with your knife/ I don't ever want to see you again. your what I never want to see/ and you said you'd never be/ but now what you are
#2
Blargh, I really hate this type of formatting...ah well, might as well give it a look.

you never had to do this
The promises you've made/ are running down the drain/ and the things I see I can't be leave/ you ran to the dark/ then bit me like a shark/ Attack!/ and your never coming back


The shark line and attack was pretty good, but besides that, it was only decent. Not to mention, the rhyming was way too average and forced.

what you said you'd never be/ is now what you are/ we all see/ that you are/ far from yourself/ your just like the others that we hate/ and you left us with a taste of your new face/ now we know that you are ONE OF THEM!

A taste of your new face? This is starting to develop into what I see as a hardcore or punk song, but still, this seems bland once again. Nothing sticks out in my mind as particularly interesting.

I remember when you said you'd never be like one of them/ LOOK AT YOU NOW!/ YOU HAVE COMPLETELY CHANGED!/ YOU HAVE BE COME/ WHAT WE HATE!/ and I'm afraid/ its to late/ to let you see what you've become/ I know its hard to be someone who rips your heart out/ YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT/ YOU DO IT LIKE THE PROS/ and you ripped my heart beneath my nose

Gah, this rhyming is ANNOYING. And cliches are just overwhelming this song. I liked the line about ripping the heart out beneath your nose, but rhyming that with pros seemed very forced.

I remember what your friends say when I talk to them/ YOU THREW THEM OUT LIKE TRASH/ AND SHATTERED THEIR HEARTS LIKE GLASS/ THEY NEVER KNEW THEIR FRIEND FROM THE PAST/ would be the one hatting me common now can't you see!/ that we don't like the new face you have/ its just like a nightmare I don't EVER WANT TO HAVE TO SEE/ DON'T EVER WANT TO HAVE TO SEE IT!

Trash, glass and past? And you spelled hating wrong. This is extremely mediocre, but you've heard the rest, so I won't go off on another tangent about it.

What you once was/ is now long gone/ nothing left/ but a song/ a song of your mistakes/ you have desipeared / and ruined my life/ threw away your friends/ stabbed us with your knife/ I don't ever want to see you again. your what I never want to see/ and you said you'd never be/ but now what you are

This is the ending stanza, and let me say, it is the most painful to read. Just because of the grammar mainly, and the spelling, and cliches...seriously? Spellcheck! I'm sorry if it seems harsh, but I really would like to see some originality in this.

I wish that I could give you some props, I really do. But I just really didn't see much in this song. It started out decent, but then degraded and fell apart into startling insincerity. I feel like you just wrote this in one go while you were in a pissy mood and didn't bother to think about just how it actually was.

If you're not mad at me by now, or if you just want to tear my own pieces apart, I've got a couple in my sig, by the way. Respawn At Last Checkpoint is the newest.
Last edited by punkforlife93 at Mar 23, 2009,
#3
Pretty cliche'ed and generic, although there were a few good lines. Work on your grammar and spelling

KingEdit: C4C
There's a special sex move I do called the Charizard.
It's where you light the girls pubes, then put it out with your cum and run around the room flapping your arms screaming, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"