#1
Call For A Hero - The Secret
My band's original song. Pop punk style.


There's a story
Of me and you
It goes back some years
But it's ending soon
We'll start a new day
Where we belong
But never followed
It all went wrong

Chorus
I know your secret
And you can't handle it
That i know just what you know
I know your secret
And you can't handle this
But you just can't let me go

Well there's the story
We've seen it through
And here's the start of..
Something new
So forget all about me
I've had enough
You just won't leave me

Its all too hard to take, when you think your so, right about me but wrong this time

I know your secret
And you can't handle it
That i know just what you know
I know your secret
And you can't handle this
But you just can't let me goo

Can't let me goo
#2
There's a story
Of me and you
It goes back some years
But it's ending soon
We'll start a new day
Where we belong
But never followed
It all went wrong


The first four lines are extremely cliched, but they have good flow. They're very simple, but suitable for a pop punk rhythm, I suppose. The second four lines, on the other hand, is worse than the first, and I had to read it a couple times before I could get it. In particular, the "but never followed" line throws me off.

Chorus
I know your secret
And you can't handle it
That i know just what you know
I know your secret
And you can't handle this
But you just can't let me go


This chorus has decent flow and could be catchy, but overall, it seems very pointless. There just seem to be a thousand other chorus stanzas just like this. Try to make it a bit more unique.

Well there's the story
We've seen it through
And here's the start of..
Something new
So forget all about me
I've had enough
You just won't leave me


So far, I just don't get why the heck there's a secret in this. It doesn't enhance the story, except maybe that it rolls of the tongue. But at least you're keeping the starting again theme constant in this, I suppose.

Its all too hard to take, when you think your so, right about me but wrong this time

What does this even mean? There's nothing specific enough in this to make it interesting.

I know your secret
And you can't handle it
That i know just what you know
I know your secret
And you can't handle this
But you just can't let me go


Same as above chorus.

Can't let me go

Okay...

It's mediocre, at best. But maybe you're going for the more mainstream poppy-type punk. If you just want this to get listeners, you might be fine, but there's really nothing distinctive in this piece. Sorry.

The only advice I could give you is to try and make this actually stand out. If you have even a couple of lines to interest the listener, then you might have a shot. But this is the same old song about letting go, feeled with cliches to boot, and lacking in originality. Work with it, man.

If you'd like, I have a couple pieces in my sig that you could crit if you have time - Respawn At Last Checkpoint is my most recent.
Last edited by punkforlife93 at Mar 23, 2009,