#1
This is only the second song I have ever written. I am not a perfect poet by any stretch of the imagination, but I can make it flow good enough. Tell me what you think!


Verse 1:

I see you crying over there
All alone, you look so scared
You're trying to reach out, you're trying to scream out
But, no one cares

Now you're standing in your room
Lost in mind and so confused
You're ceasing the pain now, you're easing your pain now
But, you don't have a clue...
What He said He'd do for you

Chorus 1:

He will take away,
All of your pain
He will consume you
Give you life and love,
Give you hope in God above, again
And maybe, you will find your way back home

Verse 2:

Nothing you do seems to work
You fake a smile but feel the hurt
You need to feel free now, you need to release now,
But, if you just hold on...
Raise your hands up to the Son

Chorus 1:

He will take away,
All of your pain
He will consume you
Give you life and love,
Give you hope in God above, again
And maybe, you will find your way back home

Bridge:

The pain is lifting now
You're finally breaking out
But you don't know how

And you don't have a clue...
What I say I'll do for you

Chorus 2:

I will take away,
All of your pain
I will consume you
Give you life and love,
Give you hope in God above, again
And baby, you have found your way back home

You've found your way back home
Your way back home
You're right back home...
#2
Quote by knights70
This is only the second song I have ever written. I am not a perfect poet by any stretch of the imagination, but I can make it flow good enough. Tell me what you think!


Verse 1:

I see you crying over there
All alone, you look so scared
You're trying to reach out, you're trying to scream out
But, no one cares
the last two lines are decent, make the first two more descriptive and original

Now you're standing in your room
Lost in mind and so confused
You're ceasing the pain now, you're easing your pain now
But, you don't have a clue...
What He said He'd do for you
lost in thought perhaps? and....here comes the lord haha. didn't realize this was a christian song

Chorus 1:

He will take away,
All of your pain
He will consume you
Give you life and love,
Give you hope in God above, again
And maybe, you will find your way back home

Verse 2:

Nothing you do seems to work
You fake a smile but feel the hurt
You need to feel free now, you need to release now,
But, if you just hold on...
Raise your hands up to the Son

Chorus 1:

He will take away,
All of your pain
He will consume you
Give you life and love,
Give you hope in God above, again
And maybe, you will find your way back home

Bridge:

The pain is lifting now
You're finally breaking out
But you don't know how

And you don't have a clue...
What I say I'll do for you

Chorus 2:

I will take away,
All of your pain
I will consume you
Give you life and love,
Give you hope in God above, again
And baby, you have found your way back home

You've found your way back home
Your way back home
You're right back home...


other than the parts i made comments on this is a pretty well written song. especially for it being only your second ever.
very nice inspirational Jesus song that doesn't preach
you can Crit the song in my sig if you feel like it.
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#4
Thanks for the good comments guys, I really appreciate it. I like writing songs, but it gets hard sometimes. This one came pretty easily though somehow.

Yeah rebelmidget, I didn't really realize it was going to be a Christian song when I sat down to write it, but it seemed like it fit there just right.

Thanks again