#1
cigarette box crushed and hung up on a slab of drywall separating the bedrooms of
two would be super hero's, two twinkle toed something or others. minus the shark in the bathtub and the squid in our bed, seemingly normal doesn't seem so bad now. you traded in your organ for a new cat and you named it theodore, i traded in my cello for a new you and i named her theodore.

your half family purrs through the telephone and i jot down their laundry list of half hearted hardiness, queer little something or others that they read off lollipop wrappers. the tattoo of a tear beneath your eye is starting to drip down past your cheekbones and you just smear it with your sweatshirt sleeve. the tattoo of an octopus on your left arm needs to be held underwater seventeen hours of the infinite day but you just drip salt on it, the scar on your lower hip from when that sea lion sunk it's teeth in and bit looks just like you accepting your diploma at cedar creek junior college circa 1999.

where are you now? in a minute i'll go out looking but right now i'm scrambling eggs and burning toast and getting to know your ghost. she said something about you moving to denver and writing horoscopes, thats funny because you couldn't even tell me which way the wind blows.
#2
I like the nature of this. How it sits quirkily but flows smoothly. I don't think this was as shockingly good as some of your stuff but it was a pleasure to read with a great ending.

thanks for sharing.
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#3
i think this is great. i don't get some (okay, a lot) of it, but that's part of the reason why it's so appealing. I'm with jimi when he describes it as 'sits quirkily but flows smoothly'. Cool stuff, man.
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#4
This was a very enjoyable read. Does this mean you're back? Pleasesayyespleasesayyes
#5
Please tell me you'll be posting again
I'll come back to this; it's 4:45 am and my head isnt straight
Quote by Arthur Curry
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#6
Before 'the scar' I think a full stop would be more fitting than a comma.

This was very good.
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#7
Quote by rushmore
cigarette box crushed and hung up on a slab of drywall separating the bedrooms of
two would be super hero's,
should that not be "heroes"?
two twinkle toed something or others. minus the shark in the bathtub and the squid in our bed, seemingly normal doesn't seem so bad now. you traded in your organ for a new cat and you named it theodore, i traded in my cello for a new you and i named her theodore.
I must admit, I didn't quite feel this. It was surreal in a very good way, but the way it was written was just so matter-of-fact... perhaps I'm just not used to this sort of thing, but the way it was written seemed to almost contradict the content, in a sense.

your half family purrs through the telephone and i jot down their laundry list of half hearted hardiness,
Alliteration here was good.
queer little something or others that they read off lollipop wrappers. the tattoo of a tear beneath your eye is starting to drip down past your cheekbones and you just smear it with your sweatshirt sleeve. the tattoo of an octopus on your left arm needs to be held underwater seventeen hours of the infinite day
I enjoyed this part about the octopus.
but you just drip salt on it, the scar on your lower hip from when that sea lion sunk it's teeth in and bit looks just like you accepting your diploma at cedar creek junior college circa 1999.
I have no doubt that if I knew what this was about, I'd be enthralled with the clever hints and suggestions. But I just can't seem to figure it out at all.

where are you now? in a minute i'll go out looking but right now i'm scrambling eggs and burning toast and getting to know your ghost.
I liked this line, but I felt that the rhyme came a little too quickly. Meh, that's me being picky, but yeah.
she said something about you moving to denver and writing horoscopes, thats funny because you couldn't even tell me which way the wind blows.
Ending was awesome. In general, I must say that I liked the whole surreal vibe, but I think that the way it was written put me off a lot. I also thin I'd have enjoyed this much more if I could figure out what it's actaully about. But it's good, I have no doubt about that.


c4c?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1092576
#8
thanks everyone. i doubt im back. i haven't read a book in months and this is the first thing that ive done that ive actually enjoyed in months. i just haven't had any urge to sit down and write anymore. we'll see.
#9
Quote by rushmore
cigarette box crushed and hung up on a slab of drywall separating the bedrooms of
two would be super hero's, two twinkle toed something or others. minus the shark in the bathtub and the squid in our bed, seemingly normal doesn't seem so bad now. you traded in your organ for a new cat and you named it theodore, i traded in my cello for a new you and i named her theodore.

Great flow, I would have named my "new you" teddy. It's cuter.

your half family purrs through the telephone and i jot down their laundry list of half hearted hardiness, queer little something or others that they read off lollipop wrappers. the tattoo of a tear beneath your eye is starting to drip down past your cheekbones and you just smear it with your sweatshirt sleeve. the tattoo of an octopus on your left arm needs to be held underwater seventeen hours of the infinite day but you just drip salt on it, the scar on your lower hip from when that sea lion sunk it's teeth in and bit looks just like you accepting your diploma at cedar creek junior college circa 1999.

My favorite part here is the notion of dripping salt on an octopus tattoo, as if it would curl up like a slug.

where are you now? in a minute i'll go out looking but right now i'm scrambling eggs and burning toast and getting to know your ghost. she said something about you moving to denver and writing horoscopes, thats funny because you couldn't even tell me which way the wind blows.

I didn't like this as much as the rest. The rest was so phantasmagorical, even the notion of having a conversation with a ghost seems within the realm of possibility, and almost boring!




Very enjoyable, nonetheless.
#10
i just don't think that this was as organized as some of your work, but then again, i guess a lot of your work was never THAT organized. it all just seemed a little rushed and not well thought out, like the makings of something good, it just needs a little more thought to it.
#11
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I always enjoy your stuff for the manner in which you fit your words and images together, and this is a very quirky and intriguing set of images. I enjoyed reading it, but it didn't mean anything to me. Good? Very. As good as some of your other stuff? Not quite, but that's not a bad thing.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja