#1
It's been really hard to make this post not ridiculously long while still providing enough background info for you guys, so bear with me a little. I'm just gonna give some names first, that seems easiest.

Drew: My best friend at the time, had known each other for 3-4 years. Had a really strong bond as musicians and worked perfect together. Was the other guitarist/singer, switched to drums right before all this went down.

Mark: Guy we'd known for ~2 years, switched from guitar to bass to join the band. Really easy going, always just seemed happy to be a part of it.

Anyway, I got the band back together after a six month drought, and that's when Drew switched to drums to replace the departed. It was never officially agreed upon, but I figured I would keep singing like I had before, and was excited about it because I had written some songs on my own that i wanted to see come to life. (I mentioned the songs to them, but we didn't work on/talk about them much yet because I figured we should ease in with the new drummer and whatnot). Shortly after I had to go out of town for 4-5 days, during which time Mark pretty much took over the band. He'd been playing guitar and singing and when I got back they didn't even ask me if I was cool with that. They also wrote some songs that were all obviously just for the sake of writing songs. They weren't horrible, but Drew and Mark seemed to think they were way more special then they were. Mark wasn't a very good guitar player either, his playing sounded really mechanical like, and he was much better at bass. His singing was really boring, huge lack of energy and passion. I feel like a huge ass to bash him like that, but it's true. They were really into it though and going 100mph so I didn't really say anything because I didn't want to screw it up, I mean they were definitely going somewhere, I just didn't like the direction. I started playing bass because he refused to switch back, and it felt like i was just filling in on their songs, I didn't really feel like part of the band anymore. So a couple months later, I left. (A certain girl became a big factor too, but let's not get into that) and that was it. Mark and I managed to stay friends, but I haven't talked to Drew in a year, and it's killing me.

So here I am a year later, and I realize now how poorly I handled the whole thing and really regret it. Now I'm just going through the motions in college and not liking it, realizing more and more that music is the only thing I care about enough to feel like it's worth working towards, and needing more and more to be in a band. Furthermore, the more I think about it the less I can imagine playing in a band without Drew. Marks a good friend and everything, but in a band I guess I could take him or leave him, especially after all that crap. Me and Drew always kind of had something special though (no homo) mainly when we were both singer/guitarists. Mark said they still jammed, but not as much and it's still just the two of them. I mentioned something about getting back into it and he said "Yeah maybe if you played bass you could do something, but I dunno man...". I told him I would talk to Drew first but he didn't really say much else about it.

So there it is. Ideally I could get them to start over with a clean slate, and try to get back to how it was when me and Drew where the "driving force" and just fed off each other, but obviously I'm in a position where I have no leverage whatsoever to get them to try to change things. They do everything half-assed and haven't gone anywhere, but they're still proud of their little thing and it would be nearly impossible right now for me to even make my mark on it, even though I have a lot of material written that I think with some work can be really good. Right now they’re just totally winging it and having fun, but while they may think they make progress they really have no plan or direction whatsoever. I think if I could prove to them that I’m back into it in a big way and know what I’m doing now they would go with it, just cause that’s how they are, they need a little kickstart and I guess leadership, but I'm sure I'm the last one they want it from. Not to mention getting to be friends with Drew again after a year of silence, which is an issue in itself.

And that's where I need some help, and any advice you guys can give will be greatly appreciated. How do I get to be a significant part of the band again, let alone the “leader”? How could I convince them to at least put their thing on hold to hear what I have to say and give it a shot? And most importantly, although it’s pretty much a separate issue, how do I talk to my old best friend after a year of silence and accept me back into his life like it was before? Is this even worth trying??
“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.”
-Bob Dylan

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Last edited by toaster_poodle at Mar 24, 2009,
#2
That's a tough one. Possible start a new band, and then try to impress and poach your friend from the old band.
#3
hmm. well, i would first, at least say something to drew. as in "hey hows the band goin?"

and depending on his attitude i think it could carry itself from there
#4
i assume it was the girl who caused u n ur best friend to stop talking?
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#5
well, im not great on these but for one thing (i guess this is insignificant compared to the rest of your questions) you could try to find a bass player so that you can play guitar again and he'll fill your spot in bass.

for the actually question it's a tricky one. Perhaps before hand when you were friends with them you could've sat them down and talked to them about it saying you want to take this seriously and highlighting Marks strengths as a bassist. But now that you're not as good friends it gets harder to sit them down like that with them still following you to the end and trusting you. Perhaps join the band as a bassist or use the plan above and then after a few months confront then because you need to build a relationship with your bandmates first or they'll think you're a douche
#6
Quote by Hinro
That's a tough one. Possible start a new band, and then try to impress and poach your friend from the old band.


That's actually something I was considering, or maybe just record the songs I have (have someone put down some simple drums) and have them listen to it or something. I'd still rather take a more direct approach though...

Quote by LedFender
hmm. well, i would first, at least say something to drew. as in "hey hows the band goin?"

and depending on his attitude i think it could carry itself from there


Yeah that seems like the first step. There were pretty hard feelings though so I don't think it's quite that simple.

Quote by istealpants
i assume it was the girl who caused u n ur best friend to stop talking?


Well the combination of that and the band falling apart. It was like the perfect storm...of feces.

Quote by Les Paul57
well, im not great on these but for one thing (i guess this is insignificant compared to the rest of your questions) you could try to find a bass player so that you can play guitar again and he'll fill your spot in bass.

for the actually question it's a tricky one. Perhaps before hand when you were friends with them you could've sat them down and talked to them about it saying you want to take this seriously and highlighting Marks strengths as a bassist. But now that you're not as good friends it gets harder to sit them down like that with them still following you to the end and trusting you. Perhaps join the band as a bassist or use the plan above and then after a few months confront then because you need to build a relationship with your bandmates first or they'll think you're a douche


Yeah I really wish I would have talked to them about it back then, I don't know what I was thinking. But I guess if I could get Drew to forgive me and stuff I could get another chance to do that. I was actually thinking about finding a drummer and trying to bring him in so me and Drew could get back to the forefront as the two singers, but that's really far fetched. I might as well look for a bass player while I'm up here at school, but I don't know if I want to get anyone else involved. I guess just sticking it out for a while as the bassist is probably the best bet. That's the hardest part, just getting them to respect and trust me again...
“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.”
-Bob Dylan

Quote by Freezer Burn

Congratz on the having the longest wall of text ever!