#1
"Nothings Wrong"

when your born your innocent as ever
oh god that is oh so clever
i wish i could learn to never ever learn

difference is you wouldn't need clearance
to do things and roll how you want
the things we could do

but you lose it eventually
be it outside or mentally

you will begin to see everything
and everything is so beautiful

your perspective might be clear
you might judge everything you hear

please don't turn into one of those assholes

Chorus:
the worlds innocence gone
and we dance like there is nothing wrong
and i know that you know that
everyone knows that no ones innocent at all


are you going to make the most of this time
hey hey dont waste this moment now yell hey this is mine!


If you like this check out my tunes on myspace: http://www.myspace.com/analysealex
Last edited by andoguitarfreak at Mar 24, 2009,
#5
Eh, it's not bad. I like the theme and I think you have some good ideas, but I think you could expand more on it to avoid repetition, especially in the chorus.

"the worlds innocence gone
and we dance like there is nothing wrong
and i know that you know that
everyone knows that no ones innocent at all"

The first two lines are fine but the last two seem forced and lack variety.


I would also suggest some word changes/omissions throughout to hep with flow. Here are a few suggestions.

"to do things and roll how you want" I would remove "and roll". It makes it sound juvenile.

"and everything is so beautiful" I would remove "so". In my opinion it sounds crisper and flows better without it.

"hey hey dont waste this moment now yell hey this is mine!" This seems a bit too cliche, even for a pop song. I would condense it to "Don't waste this moment, yell 'this is mine!'"