#1
These are two songs I have written over the past little while. I'm 17 and don't have a band to play with >.< Please critique them both. I can play both of these flawlessly, I just think my writing skills may need more work? In case you are wondering, I wrote every track in the songs.

I need help flowing the melody before the 19/16 sweeps in Open your Mind.

Any ideas are welcome.

ALSO, if you are in Ontario, *Niagara or GTA* and would like me to jam, please PM me.

Open Your Mind:
GP5:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=74304&stc=1
GP4:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=74305&stc=1


Delusional Redemption:
GP5:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=74316&stc=1
GP4:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=74315&stc=1
Attachments:
Open Your Mind.gp5
Open Your Mind.gp4
Dillusional Redemption.gp4
Dillusional Redemption.gp5
Last edited by Niko_k at Mar 25, 2009,
#3
I actually just added about a good 2 minutes to Delusional Redemption. I re-uploaded the GP files and it is now fully complete.

Thanks for the comment! I never get that xD
#4
Open your Mind - Um, not sure if I like it really, prog metal isn't my thing but this just sounded like one big intro, it didn't really go anywhere. 73 - 84 I thought was really good though.

DR - Seemed very similar to Open your Mind, maybe because I'm not a prog metal listener I can't pick out the differences. Bollocks crits I know, but keep going, I couldn't play it :P
#5
Meh. Both had the same problems.

The transitions were completely random; it was more a collection of riffs. Then there was a few 'shreddy' runs thrown in as transitions which made it even more of a mess. And the drums were just bad. This was exacerbated by the fact that they'd come in then leave, then come in again...

It seems like you can write some good riffs, you just can't arrange them or write a song with them...
#6
Don't mind the drums, they aren't going to be in the song. They're simply a placeholder, I don't play drums so writing good drums was really hard. I pretty much gave up.

I stated that I needed a lot of help with transitioning in Open Your Mind. Though I really thought DR was smooth....

Could you point out what you thought wasn't too great, and maybe some things I can do to change it? I've never had lessons or anyone else to tell me what I'm doing wrong, so if I can iron it out now I can be on my way.
Last edited by Niko_k at Mar 25, 2009,